Indeed, the musical dramedy of a show is known for devoting full episodes to only the most legendary of artists, so, surely, there is some standard to which Ryan Murphy holds said artists before declaring them Glee-Worthy.
So who definitely wouldn’t make the cut, but we secretly wish would?
Michael Bolton
The king of soft rock ballads, himself. Save for his memorable contribution on Saturday Night Live, Bolton’s locks and the undeniable ties between his voice and our first ever, super awkward make-out sessions would make this a night to remember — or a night we’d rather forget.
Paris Hilton/Kim Kardashian
Because, I mean, they’re basically the same person, right? Can you imagine a whole episode of Hildashion mash-ups? Would your ears even be functional after that? It would have to be completely centred around Sugar — the only character who could possibly do either “artist” justice (apart from Brittany, as everything BSP touches turns to gold) — and that, alone, would be awesomely bad to watch. Imagine a re-envisioning of High School Musical. And if there’s one great thing about each celebutant’s album, it’s that it’s great to make fun of and play drinking games to. Not that I’ve listened to either album. Sober.
Alanis Morissette
Yeah, we love her, too. Who can forget the tunes that got us through the battlefield that was high school? All that angst, all those feelings, all that irony. After an awful misunderstanding, Brittana face a break-up. A mash-up duet of “You Oughta Know” and “Uninvited” puts the nail in the coffin, but after a little “You Learn” and “Head Over Feet,” chick-digging ladies the world over will celebrate and comment ad-nauseum on the subsequent AfterEllen.com recap. However, can anyone on Glee really emulate Morissette’s signature falsetto and head bob?
98 Degrees
Third place in the Boy Band Competition of the late 90s, can anyone actually name any one of their singles off the top of their head? Still getting over the loss of Artie, Becky, narrated by Helen Mirren, imagines the soul-singing geek busting out a certified 98 Degrees classic in the key of Lachey. And nobody born in the late 90s to early 2000s knows what’s going on.
2Pac
Every time the show relies on unassumingly badass Artie to rap it out, an angel gets its wings. So why not up the ante? However, chances are, the show — which is roughly 97% white and suburban — might prefer to steer clear of being racially insensitive. Unless they dance around that issue by drawing attention to the potential cultural consequences of Mercedes’s and Sam’s romance. Surprise ending: the rapper comes back from the dead and confirms all of our suspicions (that there is a secret island exhausted celebrities use as a getaway).
Milli Vanilli
An episode all about secrets: secret identities; secret passions; secret conspiracies. Will Schuester reveals a Don Draperesque past, Sue Sylvester has a secret collection of kitten photos, and Finn realizes he can’t sing.
Weird Al
Can we please have an episode all about Brittany? Please? Just so we can fully appreciate the magic that is her hilarity? Something along the lines of the cheerleader growing tired of being the butt of everyone’s joke, and hardly ever centre-stage, and taking revenge by mocking everyone’s song for the week’s assignment.
I don’t watch Glee at all, but I’d definitely watch an ep centered on Weird Al’s music 😀