GLEE Reality Recap: The First Time
This week’s episode of Glee was all about boning, screwing, f*cking, and a little thing called West Side Story. Ya know, I almost forgot West Side Story happened. As the title suggests, the focus was on a select few character’s first times in the sack, which meant that a 3-minute event had to be stretched into an hour long show with the help of some unrealistic plot points. Let’s undress the episode in this week’s Reality Recap:
| GLEE | REALITY | |
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Artie suggests that Rachel and Blaine cash in their V-cards to gain some acting chops — since virgins couldn’t possibly play such sexually charged roles. |
Rachel and Blaine wouldn’t have V-cards to cash in. Musical theater kids are kinda freaky like that. |
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Coach Beiste reveals that she’s a virgin — and a heterosexual. After finally taking a hint that college recruiter Cooter Menkin likes the BBWs (sleazy Craigslist talk for big beautiful women) and shedding some tears over her looks, their budding romance takes flight on a first date. |
The only thing making Beiste less approachable than her body is her body image issues. This gal needs to bulk up on the confidence if she ever wants to get some Cooter in her cooter. |
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Rachel accidentally spills the beans that she’s only trying to screw Finn to boost her career right in the middle of the seduction. He gets hurt and walks off.
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Neither the shallowness nor the stupidity of that logic could really mess with a high school virgin’s boner-having abilities. Forget about the hurting and the walking, it’s all about the gettin’ off. |
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Blaine meets Sebastian on a trip to see the Dalton Warblers. Sebastian initially tries to get at Blaine by eye f*cking him during a performance of “Uptown Girl,” but when Kurt unexpectedly turns up during a their coffee rendevouz, Sebastian invites the couple out for a night of fun at Scandal. |
There’s nothing fun or scandalous about a gay bar that only has one drag queen on drag night. Sure, this place has a dance floor and booze, but so does a bar mitzvah. |
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With the West Side Story curtain falling, the pressure to get it on is off. But after a quick rousing (and arousing) round of apologies, the gang gets to bangin’ — though not in gang fashion, if ya catch my drift.
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When a high school show’s over, the cast typically heads to Denny’s or IHOP or some equally awful 24-hour diner where every meal comes with a complimentary IOU for diarrhea, and it’s far from sexy. |
This week’s episode stripped away so much music and so many other plot points in favor of stripping away clothes — and frankly, I missed the auto-tuned and all-over-the-place Glee of past weeks.
But what do you think, Gleeks? Was “The First Time” a turn-on or a turn-off?
But what do you think, Gleeks? Was “The First Time” a turn-on or a turn-off?
