WARNING: THIS ARTICLE IS NOT FOR THE COOL OR POPULAR AT HEART. HECK, IT’S NOT EVEN FOR THE GIRLS WHO AREN’T COOL, BUT WANT TO BE COOL. IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT “TNG” OR “FRAK” MEANS, STOP READING NOW, BEFORE YOUR SOCIAL REPUTATION IS PERMANENTLY RUINED AND YOU ARE SUCKED INTO GEEKDOM FOR ETERNITY.
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Han Solo |
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Occupation: |
Space Pirate. |
Commanding Officer of the USS Enterprise. |
Swoon Factor: |
His roguish charm and his “I say I don’t need you, but I do” demeanor. |
Gotta love a man in uniform whose weapons of seduction are always set to stun. |
Ovary-Blocker: |
7-foot-tall Wookie who can rip your arms off. I advise you to let the Wookie win. | Irrationally rational, half-human, half-Vulcan broham who doesn’t really want to see you live long and prosper with Kirk. |
Annoying Habit That Reminds You He’s Male: |
Aside from constantly teasing you in perilous situations, he’s also got a jealous streak whenever you talk to your brother. Awkward. | Like any frisky, fearless leader, he has a girl at every spaceport in the known universe. Good luck getting him to permanently drop anchor. |
Badassness: |
He shoots first. | How many guys do you know whose middle name is that of a Roman emperor? Oh, James Tiberius, rowr! |
Ok, that didn’t settle anything. Now I want a taste of each. Heck, there are a couple of other hunky gents with sick space rides at their disposals that I wouldn’t mind licking a sample of either. Why go only with the classics? I can always split the difference between Solo and Kirk with a certain former sergeant of the Independent Army turned Firefly-class captain, Malcom Reynolds. A regimented rebel may be a bit of an oxymoron, but makes for some good intergalactic pleasure cruises, right? Or, why not go for the lovably noble scientist-explorer, John Crichton. Sexy and smart, albeit a tad confused most of the time. But hey, if you were shot through a wormhole into a distant alien galaxy, you’d be, too, right? And lest we forget the army of ridiculously ripped renegades aboard Battlestar Galactica. Military issue wife-beaters never looked so good. Perfect attire to check out the guns Apollo, Helo, Sam and the rest of the crew are packing. I never get tired of inspecting the troops, if you know what I mean.
Who puts your panties in an orbital twist? Fire in your vote in the comments below.
I have had a crush on Han Solo since before I knew what a crush was. That is all.
This one’s easy: Solo. He’s a gentleman at heart, and I like him *because* he’s a scoundrel!
Agreed on Chris Pine. But seriously, Kirk has to have like every space STD possible, which is a definite ick factor. Double space bag that shiz.
Oh, boy. That’s tough. I’m a Han Solo lover, through and through, but if we want to go Contemporary Kirk, Chris Pine is PAINFULLY handsome, with his outer-space rebel-without-a-cause look. So, both please. Mostly Solo, but also, both.
Is “threesome” not a legitimate answer?
This really calls for a poll that I can vote on obsessively.
Han Solo! Duh! Winning! I would be his pirate princess in any galaxy. Just get me to a worm hole stat!
Solo gets my vote any day. mmmmmmmm
I think Han Solo and Malcom Reynolds are a close tie. I love me some Nathan Fillion!!
Malcolm Reynolds gets my mojo going! How can one resist the rogue man-boy charm of Sir Fillion?! Aye Capt’n!
Team Solo all the way! Too hard to find Shatner attractive when you picture his modern-day self in Priceline commercials and $#!% My Dad Says… Han Solo is timeless and delicious…