This weekend, The Hunger Games grossed a record $155 million, the highest ever opening for a non-sequel. Everyone and their mother went to see this movie, including, it turns out, the residents of Westeros — hey, that international market is really something. So what did they think?
Ned Stark
“Catelyn told me to shut up and enjoy the movie, but I couldn’t help but be disturbed by the fact that I was in the theater enjoying the spectacle in a movie that condemns the idea of spectacle. Is this a blind example of the entertainment industry being driven by hypocrisy, or is it a self-aware condemnation of OUR hypocrisy? I don’t have an answer for that.”
Arya Stark
“I went in with a lot of doubts — so many female-led action movies play up the sexuality of the heroine. But I was completely won over by Katniss, a.k.a. my new role model. She proved that a woman doesn’t have to wear sexy, revealing clothes to be a total badass, which is a sentiment I can get behind. Seriously — go see it.”
Joffrey Baratheon
“I thought this movie was completely freakin’ sweet until the very end. I was waiting for Katniss to get what was coming to her at the end of my man Cato’s knifepoint, and then he had to go and get all soft on me! What was that? Seriously. If he were in my Kingsguard, I’d have him whipped. Or forced to walk the streets naked. Or dragged behind a horse. Ooo … or dragged through the streets naked while he’s being whipped! And I don’t even want to talk about that little bitch Peeta.”
Tyrion Lannister
“I certainly missed the inclusion of the plight of the Avoxes. They’re even more disenfranchised in the movie than in the books — a viewer not acquainted with the original story has no connection with the silent stewards of Capitol life, and I think that’s a shame. However, I did find deep emotional resonance in the power of the mistreated, particularly in the District 11 rebellion and Katniss’ final play for power. No movie adaptation of a book is perfect, but on the whole, I think it did an excellent job of bringing the story and its message to life.”
Petyr Baelish
“I am sick and tired of everyone mocking The Hunger Games for being a rip-off of Battle Royale (I’m looking at you, Lord Varys). First of all, let’s not pretend that Battle Royale is some great paragon of literature. It’s a pulpy gorefest. Second, The Hunger Games deals with an area Battle Royale didn’t even touch — the politics surrounding the event. The politics are really what makes The Hunger Games so interesting — backstabbing and gameplay! I love it! I had completely counted Haymitch out until he [SPOILER]! Goes to prove that the best players are the ones you never suspect.”
Cersei Lannister
“I do not approve of this movie at all. It simultaneously encourages rebellion among the lower classes AND condemns women who work within the power structure. Take, for instance, Effie Trinket. Effie understands how the game is played. She’s devoted her life to serving the machinations of the Capitol, yet she’s portrayed as shallow and unthreatening. We don’t take her seriously because we aren’t shown the ambitions she surely has. Meanwhile, Katniss, who refuses to work within the system, is praised and rewarded. What kind of justice is that?”
Daenerys Targaryen
“Katniss is truly a hero for the ages. I admire how, despite being unwillingly pulled into conflict, she was able to find the strength inside not just to survive, but also to make a stand against the injustices of her world. I see a bit of myself in Katniss, and I love her for it — she’d be welcome in my khalasar.”
Hodor
“Hodor hodor, hodor. Hodor hodor. Hodor hodor hodor; hodor — hodor. Hodor…
Hodor,
Hodor.”
Sansa Stark
“This movie had everything! Pageantry and romance and handsome men! Oh, when Peeta proved that he was willing to die for the woman he loved, I just melted! This is the kind of gallantry that the best songs are written about! And the styling! Both the women and men wore such beautiful clothes — Katniss’ fire dress was gorgeous! I give it four stars out of five, but only because it made me sad that I’m not a Capitol citizen myself. I wish I could watch the real Hunger Games. I might even like it more than Twilight — don’t tell my fellow Edward/Bella friends I said that!”
Jon Snow
“I was drawn to The Hunger Games for the adventure, but I stayed for Katniss’ fighting spirit and her victory against terrible odds. Still, those kids had it easier than they might have — at least they were warm. Team Gale all the way.”
There are hundreds more characters who could have an opinion on this — do you think Renly would be a huge fan of Cinna? Would Sam think he’d be the first to die? Would Lysa refuse to let Robert watch it? Let us know in the comments!♦♦♦
Want more from The Hunger Games?
Ned Stark
“Catelyn told me to shut up and enjoy the movie, but I couldn’t help but be disturbed by the fact that I was in the theater enjoying the spectacle in a movie that condemns the idea of spectacle. Is this a blind example of the entertainment industry being driven by hypocrisy, or is it a self-aware condemnation of OUR hypocrisy? I don’t have an answer for that.”
Arya Stark
“I went in with a lot of doubts — so many female-led action movies play up the sexuality of the heroine. But I was completely won over by Katniss, a.k.a. my new role model. She proved that a woman doesn’t have to wear sexy, revealing clothes to be a total badass, which is a sentiment I can get behind. Seriously — go see it.”
Joffrey Baratheon
“I thought this movie was completely freakin’ sweet until the very end. I was waiting for Katniss to get what was coming to her at the end of my man Cato’s knifepoint, and then he had to go and get all soft on me! What was that? Seriously. If he were in my Kingsguard, I’d have him whipped. Or forced to walk the streets naked. Or dragged behind a horse. Ooo … or dragged through the streets naked while he’s being whipped! And I don’t even want to talk about that little bitch Peeta.”
Tyrion Lannister
“I certainly missed the inclusion of the plight of the Avoxes. They’re even more disenfranchised in the movie than in the books — a viewer not acquainted with the original story has no connection with the silent stewards of Capitol life, and I think that’s a shame. However, I did find deep emotional resonance in the power of the mistreated, particularly in the District 11 rebellion and Katniss’ final play for power. No movie adaptation of a book is perfect, but on the whole, I think it did an excellent job of bringing the story and its message to life.”
Petyr Baelish
“I am sick and tired of everyone mocking The Hunger Games for being a rip-off of Battle Royale (I’m looking at you, Lord Varys). First of all, let’s not pretend that Battle Royale is some great paragon of literature. It’s a pulpy gorefest. Second, The Hunger Games deals with an area Battle Royale didn’t even touch — the politics surrounding the event. The politics are really what makes The Hunger Games so interesting — backstabbing and gameplay! I love it! I had completely counted Haymitch out until he [SPOILER]! Goes to prove that the best players are the ones you never suspect.”
Cersei Lannister
“I do not approve of this movie at all. It simultaneously encourages rebellion among the lower classes AND condemns women who work within the power structure. Take, for instance, Effie Trinket. Effie understands how the game is played. She’s devoted her life to serving the machinations of the Capitol, yet she’s portrayed as shallow and unthreatening. We don’t take her seriously because we aren’t shown the ambitions she surely has. Meanwhile, Katniss, who refuses to work within the system, is praised and rewarded. What kind of justice is that?”
Daenerys Targaryen
“Katniss is truly a hero for the ages. I admire how, despite being unwillingly pulled into conflict, she was able to find the strength inside not just to survive, but also to make a stand against the injustices of her world. I see a bit of myself in Katniss, and I love her for it — she’d be welcome in my khalasar.”
Hodor
“Hodor hodor, hodor. Hodor hodor. Hodor hodor hodor; hodor — hodor. Hodor…
Hodor,
Hodor.”
Sansa Stark
“This movie had everything! Pageantry and romance and handsome men! Oh, when Peeta proved that he was willing to die for the woman he loved, I just melted! This is the kind of gallantry that the best songs are written about! And the styling! Both the women and men wore such beautiful clothes — Katniss’ fire dress was gorgeous! I give it four stars out of five, but only because it made me sad that I’m not a Capitol citizen myself. I wish I could watch the real Hunger Games. I might even like it more than Twilight — don’t tell my fellow Edward/Bella friends I said that!”
Jon Snow
“I was drawn to The Hunger Games for the adventure, but I stayed for Katniss’ fighting spirit and her victory against terrible odds. Still, those kids had it easier than they might have — at least they were warm. Team Gale all the way.”
There are hundreds more characters who could have an opinion on this — do you think Renly would be a huge fan of Cinna? Would Sam think he’d be the first to die? Would Lysa refuse to let Robert watch it? Let us know in the comments!
Want more from The Hunger Games?
Which character are you? Take the quiz!
What would Katniss’ Pinterest page look like?
What if Katniss and Harry Potter’s Hermione switched places?!
Got your eye on a cutie in the Capitol? Try a Hunger Games Pick-Up Line!
Hungry for some District 12 cuisine? Check out Katniss and Peeta’s cookbooks!
this is stupid, you dont know what game of throne is
please take you twilight games and your tween angst elsewhere and die
hodor
This wasn’t written like the characters at all.