Friday Flickr Food Porn

Food porn is an invention of our decadent Western culture, a term that refers to amazing, quality culinary photography.  The main idea of food porn is that it should make you salivate like a sleeping teen who just got braces, or my dog when it hears any word that sounds similar to “treat.”  But, I did a search for “food porn” as a tag on Flickr.com and sought to bring you the least appetizing images I could find.  If you are on a diet, feel free to print these out and look at them when you feel hungry (you could also watch this video).  Should you start to feel hungry while perusing these images … you may have a serious food issue.  Nay.  You certainly do.

Our first offender is a dish called “Chinese Noodles, Marshmallows and Butter.”

Photo Source: Yogma 

See now, I was worried I’d have to search through pages and pages of delicious food photography before finding something that sounded like a terrifying mistake.  But here it is, front and center, second photograph on the list of results.  Yes, I certainly give him points for taking a lovely photo … I just never, ever want to put this in my mouth.  Because I’ve had raw pasta before and it is like eating that plastic stuff we used to make friendship bracelets out of back in the ’90s.

If you can tear your eyes away from that, check out this hot mess…

Photo Source: duygu

Fried egg is sad about the choices his owner has made.  And so am I.
 

Our next piece of “food porn” is a humble dinner dish:

Photo Source:  

It’s not really that unappetizing looking, I’d eat it.  Wait, is that an entire stick of butter mashed up in the carrots?  No, the reason I’ve added this photo to our questionable food porn week is the weird photo effect put on the picture.  It looks like I am having a flashback to a dinner, the sound echoes and someone probably gets murdered.  Or, to nerd out a bit, you know in the last few Final Fantasy games, just before you battle some creature, it kinda freeze frames and this happens?  I really feel like I’m about to battle a wholesome American dinner. 
 

Next up, an aluminum tray (rarely a vessel in the world of food porn):

Photo Source: Sean “haggismac” Loyless 

What else do I expect from someone who has the word haggis in his username?  It’s a pile of slippery meat.

After all that nasty meat, here are some not so hot veggies:

Photo Source: Nancy Von FancyPant 

Green Beans and Peppers?  Tagged as food porn?  Sure, it’s kind of out of focus, just like regular porn, and it is technically food, but … let’s just say my taste buds just got dry.  And closed up.  And I started thinking about laundry.  God, I have so much laundry to do.

She also brought us a photo of “chicken,” also tagged as food porn.  That photo is to food porn as this is to regular porn.  The ingredients are all there, but I’m not salivating.

And on the other end of the spectrum…

Photo Source: Joe Shlabotnik 

Chicken-fried bacon = weird fetish food porn.  This is a golden shower right here.  Gross to you and I, but I bet if you watch enough food porn this starts to look like something you would want to eat.  WTF is in the dipping sauce, also?  This whole photo looks like what you would see if you looked up while getting lipo-ed.

And last, but definitely not least, dessert:

Photo Source: -Jérôme-

It looks kinda good, though I suspect it tastes like a fortune cookie.  But it’s just a little bit Dali-esque.  I can’t quite figure out what it would look like in three dimensions.  What’s with the slab of graphite?  For all I know this could be stuck to a wall somewhere.  Yes, granted, out of everything we’ve seen today, I would probably eat this first.  But I would eat pretty much anything (as my coworkers point out every day at lunch time, judgmental pricks).

Well, that’s it for terrible, amateur (food) porn, now go ahead, submit your own!  IF YOU DARE.

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