Overview:
Cuando llegues al Medio Oriente, expect to be greeted by massive crowds and loud gritos, as hombres standing on their mansion balconies give speeches sin fin and refuse to come down.
Don’t be surprised that the man high up in his mansion looks like your Tio Leo — you’ll be happy to find that many people in these countries look just like your primos y primas!
Oh, and if anyone screams “Death to America!” cuando estas visitando, just make sure to politely shake your head and say:
“No hablo Ingles! Y soy de Michoacán, güey!“
What to Bring:
• A portrait of the Middle-Eastern dictator you hate most to burn in a dramatic fashion.
• Your least-sexy burka and/or thick mustache.
• Un thoughtful turn of phrase like, “The power of the people is stronger than the people in power” or “A peanut is neither a pea nor a nut.”
What to do While You’re There:
• Take a candid foto in front of the rolling hills of people pounding their fists en el aire, shouting, and crying for justicia — and just one bottle of Vitamin Water to quench their sed.
• Update tu Facebook status to: “Eating my morning huevos con weenies next to a man setting himself on fire. Don’t you just hate Mondays?”
Anti-Austerity Measures Revolucion en Europe
Overview:
Nada es mas breathtaking than witnessing the historic arquitectura de Europa — while being punched in el estomago by a policeman’s baton.
The thrilling sights you’ll see here as the locals protestestan government program cuts will literally bring tears to your ojos. Sure the tears will be from all the tear gas the S.W.A.T. teams te tiran, but still, it’ll be tan romantico like standing next to your amante while an overturned car next to you bursts into flames.
What to Bring:
• Black hoodies, baseball caps, and panuelos to cover your face so you look dashingly “Banksy-esque.”
What to do While You’re There:
• Go on a harrowing aventura by breaking store shop windows and stealing some stylish pantalones to wear for that post-protest party mixer at the local Broken-Inn Hotel.
Gay Marriage Revolucion in Minnesota
Overview:
No te engañes with the quiet prairies and forest trees of Minnesota. Because, here, in Minnesota — el estado you totally forgot existed before I mentioned it — is where an amendment to prevent same-sex matrimonio will be presented in 2012, creating el promixo battleground for gay rights en “The Land of 10,000 Lakes” (also known as: “The Land of 10,000 visitors mistaking it for Missouri.”)
What to Bring:
• For straight mujeres: a rainbow flag, skin-tight jeans and your best gay amigo (if your amigo no quiere venir because he has tickets to see Wicked, tell him that the gay bars in Minnesota have really hot “logger men.”)
• Si eres gay: bring leather chaps, “children’s-size Small” shirts, mucho pero mucho hair gel, your best wig, and an extra pair of eyelash extenciones.
What to do While You’re There:
• Sit around, hechate un pedo, and wait for 2012 for the vote to take place.
“Slut Walk” Revolucion Around the World
Overview:
These one-of-a-kind protests empesaron cuando un policeman in Canada said to a woman that she could prevent un asalto sexual simply by not dressing like a whore.
Because of that statement, several mujeres se juntaron in world-wide protests to reclaim the term “slut.” These mujeres are showing men that they have a right to look smoking hot — and not be afraid that they will be attacked.
What to Bring:
• The outfit you wore to your amiga’s S&M-themed Halloween Party el año pasado.
What to do While You’re There:
• Cover your face with a sign that says “Slut.”
• Camina with signs that say “Slut Pride.”
• Grita por un megaphone and say: “I’m proud to be a slut!”
• Look at yourself en un windshield de un carro and think to yourself: “I would totally do me right now.” Then shout at your own reflexion: “My slutty dress does not mean ‘yes,’ cochina!”
