Lindsay
After leaving the Chippewa to follow the Grateful Dead for a few weeks on their summer tour, Lindsay Weir experiences life outside suburban Michigan. She briefly stays with her hippie friends but does return home to finish high school. After she graduates (summa cum laude, of course), she attends the ultra-feministy, liberal Sarah Lawrence University and receives her degree in creative writing!
Occupation: High school English teacher — to show kids that not all teachers are like Mr. Kowchevski
Residence: New York City
Hobby: coaching the mathletes
Experimental phase: She tried dating a girl in college since she had such terrible luck with boys… it was weird and she feels better being single anyway
Kim
Kim Kelly also experiences life outside of Chippewa on the Grateful Dead tour. She hates the music but loves the vibe, and decides not to return to Michigan or Daniel at the end of the summer. Kim moseys around till she ends up in Georgia penniless and without a diploma. By chance she gets a job helping design silly dolls at a tiny company called Cabbage Patch Kids, and when they blow up in the later part of the decade, Kim Kelly hits it big. Kim makes the company a fortune with dolls that can be fed, but then costs them a similar fortune when they’re recalled because they eat children’s hair. She gets off the hook, but since no one’s ever really sure it’s an accident, employees stay on her good side.
Occupation: Retired and rich, baby.
Residence: Sunny Florida, far away from Michigan, but with a summer home in Benton Harbor
Hobby: Prank-calling Daniel’s old flings. She’s not bitter and she’s over him, but it’s just too fun
Experimental Phase: For a small time in Georgia, she tried studying hard and attending classes to get her GED — she liked designing scary dolls better
Daniel
Daniel Desario finds his passion in the AV Club with the geeks, and with their help he graduates high school. From there, he gets a job working with audio visual equipment near his house, while still harboring a love of old, cool cars (and of course, Dungeons and Dragons).
Occupation: Combining AV equipment and old, restored cars; like Pimp My Ride, but before MTV stole the concept from him
Residence: Chippewa, Michigan
Hobby: World of Warcraft, Call of Cthulhu, Dungeons and Dragons
Experimental Phase: Daniel considered board games like Settlers of Catan, but decided he likes the role-playing games better
Ken
Ken Miller graduates high school, attends the University of Michigan, and graduates with a degree in government. More importantly, he marries his tuba-wielding girlfriend, Amy. Together, they move to Washington D.C., where she has a job as a congressional aide, and he becomes heavily involved in and an advocate for LGBTQ rights.
Occupation: Co-founder of “The Little Things,” a support group for LGBTQ allies/stay-at-home dad
Residence: Virginia suburbs, in a quaint little house with a white picket fence; exactly the opposite of what Ken ever imagined
Hobby: Buying disco CDs and burning them in a summer bonfire while listening to Van Halen
Experimental Phase: Grunge, in the 90s — he gave it up when Cobain died
Nick
Nick Andopolis graduates high school, but feels lost. He breaks up with Sara, realizes that disco does suck, and moves to New York to pursue a music career. When he writes a song, sells it, and sees it performed as a comedy, he realizes that his writing might not be as good as he thinks and he tries a slightly new path.
Occupation: Parody musician/children’s party performer, though every gig he plays he hopes the audience won’t laugh
Residence: Cleveland, near the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
Hobby: Breaking out the 27-piece drum set and jamming for hours and hours
Experimental Phase: Got really into boy bands in the late 90s, then really, really hated them
Neal
Neal Schweiber graduates from high school and heads off to Tufts University — a great school, but without the Ivy League price tag. At college, he meets a girl and, unlike his cheating father, is determined to remain faithful to her — and he does. He double majors in biology and chemistry, but it doesn’t matter because his true passion is a childhood dream.
Occupation: Ventriloquist (and he’s quite good too!)
Residence: Boston
Hobby: Beating Bill and Sam in online Scrabble games
Experimental Phase: Tried stand-up comedy without the “dummy,” but found his act only worked when he wasn’t the lamest thing onstage
Bill
Bill Haverchuck joins the baseball team at his mother’s insistence, to spend more time with Coach Fredericks (his eventual stepfather). Bill displays a real knack for the sport and gets a scholarship to UCLA to play on the team. At the same time, Vicki Appleby, who spent seven minutes in the closet with Bill, moves to Los Angeles with aspirations of acting. The two run into each other, get coffee, and are married after Bill graduates. An injury prevents Bill from attempting to go professional, but he doesn’t give up the sport.
Occupation: Baseball Head Coach at UC Irvine, much to his stepfather’s pleasure
Residence: Los Angeles, near his alma mater
Hobby: Watching old episodes of Dallas while drunk
Experimental Phase: tried many other sports but was terrible at all of them, realized he could only play baseball
Sam
Sam Weir graduates high school and decides to go to the University of Michigan with an undeclared major for awhile, till he decides his true love is theater. He acts for a bit in university productions, then moves to Los Angeles where he gets odd jobs. Finally, he comes to prominence with a featured role on a crime drama and his career takes off.
Occupation: That’s right, Sam Weir plays Dr. Lance Sweets on Bones, and is a screenwriter too (he looks good for his age)
Residence: Silver Lake
Hobby: Flying out to see Neal’s performances, attending Bill’s games; he’s still a great friend
Experimental phase: musical theater — NOT his thing
