Lightsaber
Locksmith: When you’ve accidentally locked yourself out of your galactic apartment, slowly ram your lightsaber into the center of the pod door and curve your lightsaber until you’ve created a circle in the door. Finally, kick in the new door you’ve created and you’re in!
Panini Maker: Take a slice of Death Star cheese, interstellar ham, and two slices of Tatooine bread, and slap them together. Then hover your lightsaber over your sandwich for two seconds. Add banana chips you stole from Chewbacca’s lunch and, in no time, you have a nice, warm Cuban sandwich!
Sting
Foot Shaver: Are unruly foot hairs making you feel judged by other members of The Fellowship? Simply unravel your foot hairs and then slice them clean off with a single swipe of Sting!
Gaydar: Sting not only lights up when orcs are around, but it also flashes when gay fantasy creatures are around, too. It’s perfect if you’ve been meaning to ask a cute hobbit out for six dinners, but weren’t sure of his/her sexual orientation. (Warning: For some reason, Sting stays mostly lit while in The Shire.)
Phaser
Arts and Crafts: Get several sheets of colored paper at your local Arts and Spacecrafts store. Then, set your phaser to “stun my Mexican-Klingon in-laws.” Finally, watch as the phaser turns those sheets of colored paper into ornamental papel picado for Cinco De Klingon Day!
Spider Repellent: Set your phaser to “kill” to get rid of those pesky eight-legged creatures. However, if an eight-legged creature seems as if he’s classically trained in Shakespearean acting, and occasionally waxes philosophical, leave him alone because he’s probably just a new member of your crew.
Cylon Rebirthing Tank
Hot Tub: The Cylon rebirthing tank not only helps download previous Cylon memories into a brand new Cylon body, but it also relaxes tension after a hard day of Viper maintenance on The Battlestar Galactica. There are over a hundred different types of massages that the tank can give you, but be very careful not to push the “Box Me” button, or else your Cylon model could be forced into cold storage indefinitely.
Marauder’s Map
Restaurant Locator: If you flip the famous Marauder’s Map over, it’ll give you “a street view” of Hogwarts and display the locations of your nearest Pizza joints. Click on “Do They Deliver?” application to see which restaurants will “apparate” pizza directly into your common room.
Sirius Capability: Before Muggles were introduced to Siri, The Marauder’s Map was already equipped with the voice of Sirius Black to help guide Harry Potter. Just don’t ask Sirius where to get your girlfriend an abortion, because he’ll probably just tell you to use The Time Turner to stop your past self from having sex—and then ask you to practice abstinence until you’re at Wizarding College.
