Dick Contest: Best of the Beasts

Call it beauty and the beast syndrome, but today we are having a face-off of fantastical beings.  Fairies, monsters, hybrids, and everything in between are on our menu of sensual delights.  With thousands of years of myths, legends, and low-budget B-horror movies, we are certain there’s a brute that can satisfy everyone’s primal urges.
 

Myth, Legend, Monster, etc.	Preferred Mating Ground	Perfect Fit If You Are:	Why It’s Good They Don’t Actually Exist
Unicorn	Mystical forests and Candy Mountain.	A virgin or need a kidney	Only lets virgins mount them, a total one-trick pony.
Godzilla	The isles of Japan.	Fire-proof.	Every time you have a fight, he hides out in his reptile-cave.
King Kong	First choice is nondescript tropical islands, but will settle for 100-story skyscrapers.	A daredevil who loves heights.	Total ham, will do anything for attention.  See: climb Empire State Building.
Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog	Cave of Caerbannog (duh).	A knight of the round table.	One minute he’s sitting cutely amidst his antique bone collection, the next he’s gnawing your face off.  Run away!
Leprechaun	The end of the rainbow.	A gold-digger.	Typical loner, he’s highly protective of his pot of gold.
Yeti aka Abominable Snowman	The Himalayas, Alps, Rockies, anywhere the air is thin and the temperature is just above freezing.	Having hot flashes.	Good luck getting him to smile in front of a camera.  You’ll never have a decent Christmas card again.
Prince Charming	Castles	A maiden in distress who doesn’t mind someone as well groomed as you are.	Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, his little black book is loaded with hot chicks.
Manbearpig	Cave of Winds	Al Gore	Half man, half bear, half pig, this creature makes Global Warming look like a geological boo-boo.  It is certainly the biggest threat to humanity.

Horns, claws, fangs, rabbit ears, manbearpig parts — who needs a boring old human?  There are limitless possibilities for carnal pleasures with imaginary beasts.  The soft feel of the Yeti’s thick white fur brushing against your skin, the snout of the manbearpig snorting snot onto your neck, Godzilla’s cold, scaly touch as he carries you into the sea, the wind in your face as you ride your unicorn to ecstasy.

What creature would you take a wild ride on?  Summon your inner Fay Wray and shout it out in the comments below!