Number One: PHOTOS.
But wait, you say, isn’t love supposed to be about more than just looks? Let’s get real. We all care what the other person looks like. Don’t even go there. – Put up at least 3-4 photos. You only have one or two and we’re left wondering many things. Do you never go out or do anything? Are you too lazy to upload more photos (fact: it’s easy to upload photos)? Do you have no friends? Not good questions for a girl to be wondering.
– Smile, with teeth, in one of those photos. Smiles are happy. People like to be happy. And we want to know you aren’t missing teeth.
– At least one of those photos must be a close-up of your face. That’s cool that you like rock climbing and traveling to remote and worldly places, but if we can’t see your face, you could be a yeti for all we know.
– A goofy photo. Or at least one that is not all posed. We want to know you aren’t Mr. Super Serious Guy 24/7, or worse, a serial killer.
– “Sexy” poses in front of the mirror? Puh-lease, sir. No. You want to know what percentage of the time you actually look sexy? Scientific fact: .01%*. (*This is not a scientific fact.)
– Be careful with the following types of photos: ones with you and one other woman (Who is this woman? Will we need to have a thrown down with her later?), and ones with you and babies (Is that your kid?! No? Why do you feel the need to exploit your niece then?).
Number Two: PERSONALIZATION.
You want to stand out from the pack of other dudes. There are a lot of them. – If a box is a free-form area, for the love of cheese puffs, do not just make a list of things. If it asks what you’re passionate about, do not just put: “exercise, travel, food.” Passion means it gets you EXCITED. Like, woo hoo, YES, I looove this! You like to travel? Okay, then say something like, “I’m racking up frequent flyer miles and can’t wait to visit.” Bing bang boom.
– Extreme sparseness is generally not your friend. Barely filling out your profile tells us a few things. That you’re not that serious about it. That you’re not going to make an effort in other things in life. That you’re too busy to fill this form out and, therefore, are too busy for a relationship with something other than your work.
– Do NOT say: “I like going out and having fun, but enjoy a night in, too.” While that may be true, guess what? About 80% of the population says that. You can get that idea across with some specifics about concerts or game nights or the dreaded love of sport events (but for real, do not go overboard talking about sports, that’s for your guy friends). Point is: generic statements cause eyes to glaze over and mice to click “close match.”
– Sense of humor. It doesn’t matter what kind of humor (though potty humor is probably not going to be a winner), but a guy who can make us laugh gets serious points. See above point regarding goofy photos.
Your profile is your first impression, and you want it to be a good one, right? What it really boils down to: be charming, but honest. Be yourself, yes, but present yourself like you would in person. If you’re not a creep, you don’t want to come across as extreme creepo dude. Nobody wins in that scenario.
To the ladies: what other online dating profile gaffes do guys do that drive you crazy?
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