Whenever you take your morning jog, don’t you ever wonder what your neighborhood cats are thinking as they stare at you?
Here’s what we think they’re trying to say as you pass them by: The Siamese Cat Next Door
As you approach her:
“Just saw Lady and the Tramp yesterday. Oh. My. God. Can you please tell me why Hollywood insists on only featuring stereotypical depictions of Asian-American cats in movies?”
As you leave:
“This isn’t over! I’m writing to Margaret Cho about this!”
The Russian Blue Cat a Few Blocks Down
As you approach her:
“I hear Vladimir Putin is running for Russia’s Prime Minister again. I guess my Babushka will be moving back to the states sooner than I thought.”
As you leave:
“You Americans like to complain about your government, but you have no idea what it was like under Soviet Russia.”
The Black Cat Near the Cul-de-sac
As you approach him:
“Why does everyone run away from me when I’m around? What kinda racist bullshit is that? I’m just a fucking cat. Seriously. What’s the worst that I can do to you? Give you allergies? Come on!”
As you walk away:
“What the hell? I was just trying to start a conversation with you. That’s it. I blame cat gangsta rap for your unreasonable prejudice towards me.”
Dozens of Cats at the “Crazy Cat Lady’s” House
As you approach them:
“Hey, what’s up? You should come in and try the milk. It’s great. It tastes great. It’s really goood. She puts something in it that gives you all this energy — and it helps you cough up all your hairballs in half the time it usually takes you! Try it. Come in. Yeah. You. Hahahahaha!”
As you leave:
“Don’t listen to what they say: catnip isn’t a gateway drug!”
American Shorthair Across the Street
As you approach her:
“Did you know that only 1% of cats control 40% of the balls of yarn in this country? I’m occupying my owner’s front lawn to raise awareness about these issues. Will you join me?”
As you leave:
“Fine! Let the ball of yarn inequality gap just get bigger and bigger on our watch — you corporation-loving, consumerist whore!”
Persian Cat at the End of the Neighborhood Block
As you approach her:
“Woah! What are you doing? Are you coming after me now? But I thought you were busy fighting with those other three Middle Eastern cats? Wait, before you come after me, have you thought this through? Your attack on me could become very unpopular back at home.”
As you leave:
“Oh, phew! You were just taking a morning jog. Thank god. I almost thought I was going to go down like that Catdafi fella.”
Your Other Neighbor’s Obese Cat (As He Attempts to Roller Blade Backwards)
As you approach him:
“What? I’m trying to become the next YouTube sensation.”
As you leave:
“You judge me now, but wait until I go viral. Then you’ll love me. You’ll all love me.”
