1. Dictadores
Why: La historia is being made as we speak, gente: Libyan rebels are toppling Gaddafi’s regime!
Viva la revolución! Viva la libertad!
But it’s only a start, hermanas: it turns out there are a total of 30 dictators still in power in el mundo today.
To help the people overthrow todos los dictadores, we must boycott anything associated with dictatorships!
Boycott: Any behaviors that are characteristic of a dictador, como:
Walter!– Being egomaniacal
– Wearing military uniforms or fancy robes purchased from the “Walter Mercado Colección“
– Sporting the latest in Oakley sunglass fashion
– Living in a pimped-out “crib” gigantisimo that would put P. Diddy to shame
– Appointing your familia to high government positions
– Having more than 10 esposas at a time
– Holding onto your power for decades only to have your reign end abruptly in a dramatic “Scarface fashion” — complete with hombres carrying machine guns and rushing into your mansion to shoot at you
– Holding an elección every four años, and then rigging it, so you end up winning every time
– Having the last name “Bush,” and the first name “George W.“
2. A Man’s Right To Choose
“What did you call me?”Why: Recently, mi liberal news anchorman favorito, Mr. Rachel Maddow, reported that women’s abortion rights are being threatened all over los Estados Unidos.
Hermanas, el Señor Maddow is right: this is the biggest rollback of female privacy derechos in history, since Roe vs. Wade!
Boycott: To show el gobierno that they can’t take away a woman’s right to choose, boycott “a man’s right to choose.”
Make it impossible for your boyfriend to make any private choices, like:
– Downloading porn from the Internet
– Making a quick adjustment in his crotch area
– Spending time with amigos
– Impulsively buying that new Wow! Blender 3000 he saw on an infomercial — the one that also crushes aluminum cans and makes silk screen T-shirts
– Making a sandwich for himself with 10 different kinds of meats, y luego topping it all off with Doritos
– Farting
3. Texting
Why: Si no lo sabías, texting costs compañías de telefono almost nothing to provide, but that didn’t stop them from making 21 Billion dolares from you last year.
Afortunadamente, Apple and Facebook will soon be providing services that are the same as texting, but are absolutely free.
But, let’s not wait, hermanas! Let’s force the compañías de telefono to stop ripping us off today by boycotting all texting!
Boycott:
– Sexting
– Drunk texting
– Middle-of-the-night texting porque you think I’m asleep and don’t want to wake me — but you don’t realize that when my phone vibrates, it sounds like a giant, mutated bee just flew into mi oído
– Texting only in abreviaturas like: “c u l8r guuuuurl!”
– Replacing all over-the-phone conversaciónes with texting, because you’re too socially awkward to hold an actual conversación
