Recently, Green Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong broke into an epic rant at the iHeart Music Festival in Las Vegas.
But it turns out the news didn’t report his full rant.
Lucky for you, Comediva has some excerpts from the rest of Billie’s Joe’s rant that you might have missed.
Here they are:
“I got a flu shot, and I STILL GOT THE FLU.”
“I washed my car yesterday, and today it F***ING RAINED.”
“If I see that twirly rainbow sphere on my Mac one more time–I SWEAR I’M GONNA KILL SOMEBODY!”
“You’re as in ‘you are’ is spelled y-o-u-apostrophe-r-e. Add an apostrophe BEFORE the ‘r,’ BITCHES!”
“I didn’t realize that the spaceship Endeavor passed over my house until it was too late. I can’t believe I missed witnessing a symbol of the majesty of SPACE TRAVEL!”
“Somebody please shoot the guy who keeps making those annoying State Farm COMMERCIALS!”
“Stop wondering whether every new sitcom is ‘the new Friends.’ There will NEVER BE A NEW FRIENDS!”
“Can somebody please tell me who the F*** IS HONEY BOO BOO CHILD?”
“Since they no longer feature music on their regular programming, MTV should be legally required to change their name from ‘Music Television’ to ‘PIECE-OF-S**T-REALITY-SHOWS-TELEVISION.’ “
“Don Lemon is way too dreamy to just be a news reporter on CNN. HE SHOULD BE A F***ING RUNWAY MODEL!”
“What’s with those people who don’t signal on the freeway? WHAT? DO THEY THINK I CAN READ THEIR F***ING MINDS OR SOMETHING?”
“Why does MySpace keep rebooting itself, as if anyone gives a s**t? Hey, Tom: IT’S OVER! NOBODY WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE!”
“Has anyone noticed that the only people winning American Idol nowadays are hot, young, white males? WHAT KIND OF RACIST/SEXIST/AGEIST BULLSHIT IS THAT?”
“I’m tired of people looking at me funny when I make random Battlestar Galactica references. I will no longer apologize for my unbridled love of BSG. THAT WAS BRILLIANT SHOW, GODDAMMIT!”
“I just got around to seeing The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and now I’m traumatized for life. THANKS A WHOLE F***ING LOT DAVID FINCHER!”
“Hey radio: stop playing ‘I’m Yours’ by Jason Mraz. If anyone wants to hear that song again, just let tell them to go EVERY SINGLE WEDDING THE’VE EVER BEEN TO.”
“Let’s all stop pretending that any of us watches Mad Men. We say we do because it makes us sound cool and trendy, but in all honesty, we’d all rather watch Man Vs. Food ON THE F***ING TRAVEL CHANNEL!”
“Can someone please tell me what’s the point of going out to a bar? It’s too crowded, it’s too dark, the drinks are far too expensive, and you can’t hear anything your friend’s say because the music is far too loud. F***, you might as well stay at home, lock yourself up in your bedroom, put some headphones on, and drink all by yourself with the lights turned off. IT’D BE THE SAME F****** THING JUST A WHOLE LOT CHEAPER!”
