Best (and Worst) Robots to Hire as Servants

hal-9000_200HAL 9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey 
one-star-rating_red

Anyone remotely familiar with modern cinema is probably aware that HAL didn’t work out so well as Dave’s personal computer.  Keep in mind when choosing your robot servant that you are implicitly accepting the risk that it might kill you.  One star. 

gort_200Gort from The Day the Earth Stood Still 
three-star-rating_red

Gort’s big, durable, and old school.  Plus he comes in peace.  He doesn’t really move very fast, and isn’t really a smooth talker, but he is way more effective than a Doberman for home security and a good choice for those who work in construction or auto repair.  There’s no limit to what he can do.  Lift a car?  Klaatu barada nikto (“no prob”).  Three stars. 

small-wonder_200Vicki from Small Wonder 
two-star-rating_red

This was probably the first robot servant we met, coming in the creepy form of a young girl.  While she can perform advanced mathematical calculations, she’s pretty impractical for manual labor and anything remotely “adult” related.  Seems a little suspect to create an underaged humanoid robot … pervert.  Two stars.

Data_star-trek_200Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation 
four-star-rating_red

No android is more baller than Data.  How many times has this manbot saved the Enterprise?  Countless times, that’s how many!  He’s all the good parts of human with none of the flaws, and can do everything more efficiently and precisely.  He’d be the ultimate botbutler!  Though it’d probably be way selfish to waste his awesomeness on your life, while he could be out protecting and preserving the Federation he has sworn to serve.  Four stars. 


borg_200The Borg 
one-star-rating_red

Also of the Trek universe, this synthetic-organic parasitic race is nobody’s servant.  Don’t answer the Craigslist ad posted by the Cube … they might have “excellent organizational skills” and may “work for cheap,” but that “resistance is futile” is a clue that they’re not the right housecleaner for you.  One star.

 
r2d2_200R2D2 
five-star-rating_red

Clearly the most adorable robot available, who actually coos like a baby, but is not needy or squishy.  Plus, while being charming, he’s super useful — he can cut you out of nets, toss you a light saber, co-pilot your ship, send important holographic secret messages, solder and repair complicated electronics, all without whining or complaining like his pussy-ass friend, C3PO.  He’s right up there with WALL-E, who is also adorable and displays unusually human qualities of love, loneliness and courage, and saves many human lives, all without being humanoid, thus removing any creepy ambiguous feelings.  Five stars. 

These are our top bots.  Who would you choose? 

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1 comment

  1. William Hurst

    Ok, but what about Rosie from the Jetsons. She could iron and mix drinks and walk Astro and was pretty witty. Yes the simple and caring Rosie would be my choice, but not Irona from Richie Rich, even though she was way tougher than C3PO

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