Are you concerned you aren’t prepared for the zombie apocalypse? You damn well should be! We’ve hunted down zombie gurus Robert Watts and Ivan Van Norman (co-developers of the award winning zombie survival simulation RPG Outbreak: Undead) to give us the low-down on how to keep our brains to ourselves.
Magnolia Scotch: First off, you guys are like the Indiana Jones of the undead, having extensively studied zombie lore. Which zombie outbreak scenario do you feel is the most plausible?
Robert Watts: 28 Days Later, for sure. There is a biological basis for the “zombies” here. Though they are biologically alive and not truly undead, the idea of a virus that affects the brain and destroys our cognitive and rational senses and reverts us back to our basest animalistic need to kill is more plausible than dead tissue clawing itself out of the graveyard.
Ivan Van Norman: Definitely viral. I don’t ever think a true ‘raise the dead’ type of virus will ever occur. However, living raging zombies is a very, very plausible ‘and scary!’ possibility.
MS: Undead, can you explain this paradoxical term for us?
RW: Something that is both dead and alive, à la Schrödinger’s Cat. Historically, it has been attributed to supernatural beings, i.e. zombies, vampires, ghouls, ghasts, etc.
MS: I love when men talk scientifically. Speaking of attraction, can zombies ‘get it on’? Or is a Twilight-esque romance with the undead completely out of the question?
IVN: I’m sure someone on the internet has conjured up such a monster, but I would hope it never sees the light beyond its desecrated tomb.
Source: Outbreak: UndeadRW: No, they are incapable of reproducing.
MS: Bummer. In that case, how do you kill a zombie for good?
RW: Massive cranial damage. Hence, “shoot ’em in the head and they’ll stay dead.” That is, unless they are biologically alive, then anything that kills a normal human will also kill the zombie.
IVN: Dismemberment, burning, or just plain old decapitation.
MS: So, channel my inner-huntress, that doesn’t seem so hard. Why is it then that most zombie survival plans fail?
IVN: Most people don’t account for the fact that there are ‘a lot’ of people in this world. Many common ‘strongholds’ (Walmart is the most common) are HUGE targets for other survivors, as well as frantic and desperate people. Rash action and human panic are the most dangerous thing for long term survival plans as a whole. Hundreds of thousands (even millions!) of other people may share the same location you are considering for your ‘meeting point.’
RW: Also, because they’ve never been tested. Which is why you need to test it with our system, Outbreak: Undead, the only true zombie survival simulation.
MS: Outbreak is a great way to determine the best (and worst) places to be during a zombie apocaplypse. Where is the worst place to be, according to your system?
RW: Per our co-developer, Chris De La Rosa, the absolute worst place is a gun store. Everyone has guns except you. E.g. you get shot. Or, Walmart. Don’t go to any major store, everyone else and their mother will either already be there or be heading there because they’re not prepared.
MS: Say we’re, sadly, one of the people of Walmart, stocking up on twinkies when the outbreak occurs. What should we do?
IVN: Be discreet, and trust your instincts, do not give up on people, but be ready to give up on anyone who holds you back.
RW: Leave immediately. Ideally, you will have already prepped for a zombie apocalypse (i.e. used our book to test your plan, or read the 100s of other books out there with great source material) and you SHOULD be living at your stronghold, fully armed, with 10 years of food stored up. That’s where we’ll be. Have fun trying to rob the gun store.
MS: Could my beloved cat Nosey become a zombie?
RW: It depends on the type of outbreak (Viral, Supernatural, Radiological). If the virus transfers species (which would suuuuuuck) you’re going to want to stay the hell away from Nosey. However, the virus could either not transfer, or might kill the animal prior to re-animation.
MS: *Sigh* I’ll miss that fat feline. On a positive note, we hear trucker beards and handlebar mustaches repel zombies. True? Or, are they just bad-ass?
IVN: Most people with trucker beards and handlebars tend to grow them in preparation for the Z-poc. So … yes.
MS: Say our trusty shotgun isn’t handy, what’s around the house we can use to kill zombies?
IVN: A good knife with a good, steady hilt, and anything that is strong and pointy that gives you distance.
RW: “Blades don’t need reloading,” as the saying goes.
MS: We heard zombies are incredibly tired of hipsters, and refuse to eat them. True? And if so, why is that?
IVN: Probably because they taste too much like cheap beer and cloves.
MS: Any other pearls of wisdom?
IVN: Don’t wait ’til the last minute to formulate a plan, start now, be prepared. Treat it like any other disaster that ‘could’ potentially happen.
RW: Get a plan, then test it.
MS: Last, but not least, I hear zombiologists are damn sexy. True? Or, urban legend?
IVN: DAMN STRAIGHT!
RW: We’re even sexier strapped with bloody weapons [and] saving your asses.
MS: Hot. Thanks, gents!
Let us know how you are preparing for the zombie apocalypse in the comments below!
