Did you know that preoccupation with certain cultural sensations have a name? Yep, there’s a disease for that! Good thing the unlicensed non-medical professionals here at Comediva have the cure for what ails ya!
Here’s what to do if you find yourself obsessing over some of these prevalent pop culture trends!
1. Quidditch Itch
Even though the last Harry Potter book was published almost five years ago, and there are no more movies to look forward to, you still find yourself lamenting your muggle status. Do you feel a sense of impending doom when you watch Alan Rickman in Love Actually? Do you imagine your mailman with feathers and a beak? You might suffer from Quidditch Itch.
The Cure: Read Bret Easton Ellis’ Less Than Zero cover to cover as quickly as possible. Then watch the season finale of Game of Thrones backwards, while attempting to summon Severus Snape with a Ouija board.
2. Vamproids
After a long day of walking around in the sunshine and not drinking blood, do you relax with an episode or two of The Vampire Diaries? Do you empathize with Bella Swan and sleep in an oversized RPatz t-shirt? Have you thought about legally changing your name to Sookie or Nosferatu? Have you given up garlic as a lifestyle choice? You probably have a case of Vamproids.
The Cure: Watching Bordello of Blood on mute while listening to Vampire Weekend is more effective than the leading brand of Vamproid cream.
3. Biebonic Plague
Biebonic Plague is what happens when Bieber Fever goes unchecked. This generally occurs if you are in denial of your love for the shrimpy Canadian teenager. Do you get the chills when you hear the words “Baby, baby, baby, ohh / Like baby baby baby ohh?” You’re coming down with Biebonic Plague, baby ohh.
The Cure: Listen to The Cure album by The Cure. It’s the only cure.
4. Ryanmurphitis
You’ve seen every episode of Nip/Tuck at least twice. You’re a total Gleek. You suffer bouts of anxiety while waiting to find out where the next American Horror Story season will take place. You have your own rubber suit. Yes, you certainly suffer from a case of Ryanmurphitis!
The Cure: Watch a Spongebob Squarepants marathon followed by a Terminator marathon. Pound a Red Bull. Then, read the seventh page of every Playboy for the last six months.
5. Panem Pox
Peeta or Gale? Gale or Peeta? Does that question keep you up at night? Are you constantly searching the internet for info about the upcoming Hunger Games movie? Do you have a sudden interest in archery? You might be coming down with a case of Panem Pox.
The Cure: Simple. Read Koushun Takami’s Battle Royale.
