A Porn Shop Owner Writes Poetry: The Raven

This poem is inspired by Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Raven.”  Poor Maven Sultry just wants a normal, non-pervy customer to come into her shop.  Just once.

By Maven Sultry

Once upon a Tuesday dreary, while I re-stocked weak and weary

Oh so many straight and bi-curious DVDs of freaktastic porn.

While I slacked off, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of someone gently whacking, whacking it by the backroom door!

“Tis not cool,” I muttered.  “Not cool to yank it within my store.”

Only this, but he wanked some more!

Ah, distinctly I remember, I stocked a cattle prod dubbed  “Shock Your Member”

And each separate zap did render, render that jerk squirming on my floor.

Eagerly I wished the morrow; masturbating losers cause me such sorrow–

For the rare and radiant patron seeking something normal–

Normal from my erotica store.

Would he come here looking, shopping?

Only this.  I want nothing more.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each storefront curtain

Thrilled me — filled me with the hope I’ve felt so many times before;

So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood entreating,

“Tis some normal hot guy entering my porn shop’s door —

Some doctor, lawyer, athlete entering my porn shop’s door.”

This is it!  But no such luck.  Twas just the she-male Miss Lenore.

Quoth the tranny, “Out of condoms.

You got some more?”

****