Lately, it seems like most of the theme songs for television shows are just catchy tunes without words, if even that. But I remember another time, a simpler time, a time when a TV show’s theme song could tell you an awful lot about the show you were about to be watching. And that time was the ’90s! So here’s a trip back to my favorite shows from the decade, and what their theme songs revealed. It’s 90s TV Theme Songs translated!
Full House
“When you’re lost out there and you’re all alone / A light is waiting to carry you home. / Everywhere you look.”
Translation: If we sing enough about the Importance Of Family, you’ll never question the kind of weird conceit of this show (really? Eight years and Joey never wants to move out?).
Hey Dude
“It’s a little wild and a little strange / When you make a home out on the range. / Start your horse and come along. / But you can’t get a ride if you can’t hold on.”
Translation: You, too, can be a cowboy, if you just watch this show enough!
Sister, Sister
“Sister, sister, / How about that two-way twister? / Shakin’ up our family tree / with sibling synchronicity.”
Translation: You know how much you like The Parent Trap (the Hayley Mills one…the LiLo hasn’t happened yet)? We’re like that, only whackier!
All That
“The show is All of That, and yes we do it all the time. / So sit your booty on the floor or in a chair, / ground or in the air. / Just don’t go nowhere.”
Translation: Adults and their Saturday Night Live can suck it!
Adventures of Pete and Pete
“Hey smilin’ strange, / You’re looking happily deranged.”
Translation: This show is going to be super weird, but on the upside, you’ll always have a fondness for boys with mermaid tattoos.
Friends
“So no one told you life was gonna be this way. / Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.A. / It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear, / and it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, / or even your year.”
Translation: It’s a show about people who know each other and have problems. Isn’t that the summary of every sitcom ever? YUP. We don’t need no high-concept idea to make bazillions of dollars!
Family Matters
“Well then there must be some magic clue inside these tearful walls / ’cause all I see is a tower of dreams / real love burstin’ out of every seam.”
Translation: We swear this is a show about a family, and not just Urkel!
Salute Your Shorts
“Camp Anawanna, we hold you in our hearts / And when we think about you, it makes me wanna fart!”
Translation: You know how you always hope that camp is going to be an entire summer without any pesky adult maturity to get in the way of your fun? WELCOME TO YOUR FANTASY, CHILDREN!
Boy Meets World
“When this boy meets world, / wandering down this road, that we call life / is what we’re doin’. / It’s good to know I have friends that will always stand by me, / when this Boy Meets World.”
Translation: My friends are going to get me in a lot more trouble than I’m going to get them, but I love them anyway.
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
“I pulled up to the house about seven or eight, / And I yelled to the cabby “Yo homes smell ya later!” / I looked at my kingdom I was finally there, / to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air.”
Translation: You’re about to watch a show that’s mostly a vehicle for Will Smith. Pro tip: memorize this now, because in 2012, cool kids will still know all the words.
Step By Step
Step by step, day by day, / a fresh start over, / a different hand to play. / The deeper we fall, the stronger we stay, / and we’ll be better / the second time around.”
Translation: We’d kill for Full House’s ratings.
Are You Afraid of the Dark?
Translation: You will forever pee yourselves in terror when you hear this song. Sitcoms of the new millennium, take note: this is how a theme without words is done.
