In this great big world where gender norms are becoming grey areas of awesomeness, there are some very obvious indications that some gals carry a bit more masculine energy than others.
Photo Source: Advocate.com
You may be thinking, “Moi, a dude? But I’m not a sport-loving, porno-addict with no job!” Deep breath now, friend. Many have speculated about what defines the male species, but few have asked what defines a woman who’s actually a man trapped in a woman’s body who still craves hetero action.
What follows are six scientific signs (unicorn science, of course) that will help you determine if you’re more man than wo-man.
You’re a Meat Eater
Salad? You scoff at the mention of croutons. “What the eff are those for? Just give me a loaf of bread and a big plate of meat. Preferably grilled and rare, as rare as is legally allowed, b*itches.”
You’re Relationship Phobic
Commit? You’re a busy career woman, damn it. You’ve got work to do, dreams to chase and other men to bang. “It’s not me, it’s you. You want the same sex forever and I don’t. Shit, please don’t cry.”
You’re a Sex Fiend
Cuddle? “Why lay here and cuddle when we have toys? And cable? F*ck yeah!” Some gals like sweet nothings whispered into their ears. You’d rather your men skip the mushy love nonsense and get right to what you’re all there to do: orgasm. Why talk when life’s a wonderland of booze and all-night parties? Speaking of booze…
Alcohol is Your Best Friend
Sobriety? “Who wants to be sober when there’s 71 styles of beer, f*ckers!” You’re a gal who’d date her hard liquor if she could — “How you doin’, Jack Daniels?” Hell, you’d commit to your beer if needed. In fact, most days you share your feelings with your alki bud. You and alcohol were destined to live a long, happy life together. Get a room.
You Wear Men’s Deodorant
Perspiration? “Yeah, I swear like a sailor, but I sweat like a g*ddamn 300-pound biker.” Most gals accept daffodils, wild roses and cucumbers as appropriate armpit scents, but you believe honesty’s the best policy — your pits are effing stinky and these flower power deodorants are definitely NOT “strong enough for a man.” Pass the Old Spice, b*tches!
You Use Swear Words to Express Yourself
How else will people know when you’re excited, annoyed, stressed, angry, perturbed or jovial?
So what’s the verdict, gals? Are you a man? Tell us in the comments below!
Photo Source: Advocate.comYou may be thinking, “Moi, a dude? But I’m not a sport-loving, porno-addict with no job!” Deep breath now, friend. Many have speculated about what defines the male species, but few have asked what defines a woman who’s actually a man trapped in a woman’s body who still craves hetero action.
What follows are six scientific signs (unicorn science, of course) that will help you determine if you’re more man than wo-man.
You’re a Meat Eater
Salad? You scoff at the mention of croutons. “What the eff are those for? Just give me a loaf of bread and a big plate of meat. Preferably grilled and rare, as rare as is legally allowed, b*itches.”
You’re Relationship Phobic
Commit? You’re a busy career woman, damn it. You’ve got work to do, dreams to chase and other men to bang. “It’s not me, it’s you. You want the same sex forever and I don’t. Shit, please don’t cry.”
You’re a Sex Fiend
Cuddle? “Why lay here and cuddle when we have toys? And cable? F*ck yeah!” Some gals like sweet nothings whispered into their ears. You’d rather your men skip the mushy love nonsense and get right to what you’re all there to do: orgasm. Why talk when life’s a wonderland of booze and all-night parties? Speaking of booze…
Alcohol is Your Best Friend
Sobriety? “Who wants to be sober when there’s 71 styles of beer, f*ckers!” You’re a gal who’d date her hard liquor if she could — “How you doin’, Jack Daniels?” Hell, you’d commit to your beer if needed. In fact, most days you share your feelings with your alki bud. You and alcohol were destined to live a long, happy life together. Get a room.
You Wear Men’s Deodorant
Perspiration? “Yeah, I swear like a sailor, but I sweat like a g*ddamn 300-pound biker.” Most gals accept daffodils, wild roses and cucumbers as appropriate armpit scents, but you believe honesty’s the best policy — your pits are effing stinky and these flower power deodorants are definitely NOT “strong enough for a man.” Pass the Old Spice, b*tches!
You Use Swear Words to Express Yourself
How else will people know when you’re excited, annoyed, stressed, angry, perturbed or jovial?
So what’s the verdict, gals? Are you a man? Tell us in the comments below!
[Editor’s Note: The author’s fully aware that gender norms are BS and that the fluidity of genders and sexuality are wonderfully diverse. This article aims to poke fun at what we as a society define as universally female vs. universally male. It may or may not also aim to poke fun at a friend of the author’s who will remain nameless. ]
what’s wrong with a little old spice under your arms?
Nikki, just cut off a leg off one of your X chromosomes, and there you have it!!! lol
According to this unicorn science, I am definitely not a man. However, I do know some man-women. Gender norms are so silly.
Um, except for the Old Spice, I’m a total dude. But I’ve always known that. Where art thou, Y chromosome!