This is because iPads have been known to seduce individuals who don’t actually own them. These “iPad affairs” have been growing increasingly common across American households and have broken up countless of loyal friendships.
So, if you’re a good friend of an iPad owner, make sure to watch out for these 6 signs that his or her iPad is trying to seduce you:
1. Subtle Flirtation
Your friend’s iPad may be trying to seduce you if, after your friend leaves the room, it starts to play popular “love-making” music on its iTunes player like Barry White, Marvin Gaye, John Legend, Justin Timberlake, and Prince. You should be on red alert if your friend’s iPad starts playing Justin Bieber’s “Boyfriend”: it may signal that your iPad is jailbait and any affair with this underage device could land you in techie jail.
2. Overt Flirtation
While your friend is out of the room, you may feel tempted to handle the iPad yourself. But be warned: the iPad is known for surreptitiously forcing you into intimacy. The iPad will require you to slide your finger across its forehead in order to change its screen, squeeze its chest to jump to another program, and pinch its nose to zoom in and zoom out of a browser window. This is all perfectly normal, but if your iPad giggles flirtatiously as you do this and says, “Oh, you’re so naughty,” then your friend’s iPad is definitely trying to hit on you.
3. Its Applications Are Filled With Innuendo
Your friend’s iPad may be trying to seduce you if, when you visit the iPad App Store, all the apps it recommends to you sound very suggestive, like: Secret Words Between Friends of Friends, iNudePhoto, Google Breeder for the iPad, iSexTape, Horny Birds, Mineshaft, and finally, InstaBang.
4. It Takes On Provocative Poses
Your friend’s iPad may be trying to flirt with you if, when trying to prop it up on a table, it repeatedly slides and falls on its back, exposing its screensaver: a picture of a shirtless Channing Tatum clad only in his boxers.
5. It Arranges Late Night Rendezvous
You may be in too deep if the iPad schedules a trip to the gym at 3 a.m. for your friend (on her calendar), and then “Face Time’s” you to come over while your friend’s out of the house. In no time, you find yourself over at your friend’s house, having hot, steamy browsing sessions.
6. It Blatantly Lies to Save Its Reputation
You’ve reached a point of no return when your friend comes back early from the gym and finds the both of you together in her bedroom — and the iPad automatically updates your friend’s Facebook status with:
“Just found my friend using my iPad in secret. But I know the iPad would never hurt me, so clearly my friend Jenna is just a whore.”
