Misadventures in Sexual Curiosity

After breaking it off with my long-term boyfriend, I decided to spend a very long time as a “single woman” and figure out what I truly wanted in life.  As empowering as that sounds, I think of orgasms like I think of meals, and I like to have either three large meals a day or five small snacks to hold me over.  And, when I haven’t eaten for a while, I become cranky and irritable.  So, this lack of constant sex was going to be a problem.

I didn’t want to take the risk of going back to the ex whenever I got hungry.  I also didn’t want to be a cranky cunt all the time.  What’s a gal to do?

She finds herself a “placeholder.”

**** 

What is a placeholder, you might ask?  A placeholder is the sex partner you have between long-term relationships.  Isn’t that the same as a “rebound”?  NO!  A “rebound” connotes both that it’s a new relationship and that it’s a mistake.  A placeholder is NOT a relationship (it’s more akin to a sex-friend, fuck buddy or booty call) and it is definitely not a mistake.  A placeholder will help you maintain your dignity, self-esteem and sex drive during a break up.  They can also help you seek out your sexual identity through non-committal, stress-free experimentation.

Now I consider myself to be fairly sexually open and experienced, but finding myself newly single, there were aspects of my sexuality that I was now ready to explore.

I had been watching BDSM (Bondage, Discipline/Domination, Submission, Sadism and Masochism) porn for the last couple of years.  Yes, porn with people strapped to walls — whips, clothes-pinned nipples, leathery garb — that kind of porn. Finally, after breaking up, I arrived at a place where I was ready to stop acting like a 17-year-old virgin boy and give it a go in real life.  Coincidently, I struck up a conversation with a male friend who just so happened to be a part of the scene.  Talking to him was like being on a kinky, dungeon-y, leather clad version of the ‘It’s a Small World’ ride at Disneyland.

This male friend became Placeholder #1.

Placeholder #1 took me to a lovely restaurant for our first sex-date.  A sex-date is a normal date where the notion of sex at the end is explicit instead of implied.  He asked me a bunch of stupid typical first date questions like “What’s your favorite food?” and “Where would you travel next on vacation?”  What is this, the goddamn census?  Do you have a checklist of compatibility tattooed on your leg?  First dates suck, even when they aren’t really dates.

So we went back to his place, he mixed me a gin martini (he mixed it poorly, but I lied), and he gave me a run down of BDSM, the BDSM group he was a part of, and the fetish club he frequents.  I’ll divulge the details of this club in future articles, so don’t you worry your pretty little head!

So we started making out, a natural progression after martinis, and headed to the bedroom.

Placeholder #1 plopped me onto his king-sized bed and pulled out a large duffle bag.  He tossed out dildos, handcuffs, lube, ropes, butt plugs, restraints, and all sorts of toys with the level of excitement a child gets when he shows you his Lego collection.  He was like the Mary Poppins of perversion.

Don’t worry; he didn’t use the whole bag on me at once.  He started slow, using just the sport cuffs and some leg restraints, and checked in with me constantly to make sure that nothing was too tight.  He reminded me of the Verizon guy — “Is this too tight?  Is this too tight?  Is this too tight?  Can you hear me now?”

I have to say, it was extremely hot to let someone else take control in this situation and I enjoyed the power dynamic.  Also, being tied up, waiting in anticipation, and having to put your full trust in someone else is definitely a turn-on.  It also didn’t hurt that he performed oral sex as if my vagina was a steak dinner and he had just been released from the Hanoi Hilton.

**** 

Now, to be perfectly frank, this guy wasn’t huge — average at best.  But gals, if your average-sized man isn’t cutting it, then Ricky’s got some “splainin’ to do,” because it is possible to have awesome sex with a meh-sized dick.  Also, good foreplay techniques help, because after a lady gets off a couple of times, any kind of sex is going to be awesome.  Sort of like how a Hot Pocket tastes amazing when you’re starving at 3am.

This was exactly what I needed after my break-up: exciting sex without the temptation or risk of a new relationship.  I felt like Marie Antoinette at a Sprinkles bakery.

So this is where my sexventures began.  By no means am I an expert, as I’m just now entering this world, but if you’re interested in BDSM, or just weird sex stories, I’m going to chronicle my adventures, and most likely misadventures, in group sex, bi-curiosity, and fetish clubs.  And you’ll get to find out how I wound up naked in bed with a married couple.

Plus, now I can finally write off my dildo purchases.

****