Welcome to the Dating Survival Guide, the Rosetta Stone for dating men who, instead of just being from Mars, appear to be from an entirely different solar system. We’re bringing insider intel from the other side so that you may go from awkward first date to potential girlfriend in the fewest steps necessary. From the Sports Nut to the Music Aficionado, whatever hottie you’re hungering for, the Guide’s got your back. Next up: Dating an Endurance Athlete. Here’re a few tips for dating a triathlete or endurance athlete!
So you’ve got it bad for an endurance athlete. And with good reason: triathletes make for some sexy men, and their shaved limbs will feel all silky on yours when you test their cardio in the sack. O la la! But it’s a very specific kind of gent who’s drawn to ultra-marathons or long course races, so you’ll have to be especially adaptive to this lifestyle if you want to keep yourself in the running … swimming … biking.
Cheat Sheet
The tri lifestyle is hard to grasp from an outside perspective (“You pay to go through that torture?”). In the meantime, here’s a little dictionary to understand wtf he’s talking about.
Brick Workout: Having nothing to do with building material, these workouts are dual-discipline drills to practice transitioning from one sport to the next. A 45-minute bike ride followed by a 45-minute run, for example. This helps his body adapt to switching from one to the other so it doesn’t shock the system on race day.
Bonking: Not the fun kind, this bonking is when he’s used up all the carbs in his system during a workout and starts feeling wonky. Can be remedied with an energy gel or nutrition bar, which brings a triathlete back to life like Popeye and a can of spinach. (It’s really remarkable.)
Chafing: Something a normal person would never consider: on long races, repeated stress of cloth upon skin can cause chafing and even bleeding. So don’t be surprised if your dude tapes his nipples or lubes up with Body Glide or Vaseline. Multi-sporting gets nasty.
Taper: In the couple of weeks before a race, you’ll notice that you see a lot more of your guy than you’re used to. Don’t take it for granted: he’s just tapering down his training to get his strength saved up for race day.
Carb loading: Also, in the week before race day, a lot of marathoners and triathletes will load up on their carbs to increase their energy stores. Hello, guilt-free pasta dinners!
Potential Minefields
Early to bed, early to rise: So you really want to take your man to see that ’80s cover band that plays on Tuesdays at 11 p.m. Guess what? Not happening. Most athletes have a very stringent training schedule that demands horrendous wake up times to fit their workouts into a day that has a regular day job on top of it. Don’t get in the way of him and his sleep: fatigue will really hurt his progress and lead to resentment if you’re the source of it.
Training: Similarly, don’t get mopey about his training. You’re the one who found his triathlete ass sexy, and he got that way through following a specific workout plan. If you keep whining that he spends too much time at the gym, or keep seducing him into spending Saturdays in bed eating pancakes instead of doing 4-hour bike rides, he will drop you, guaranteed. Maybe he likes you enough to make you his girlfriend, but triathlon is his wife.
Nutrition: Plenty of triathletes burn so many calories they could eat most anything, but be sensitive to his specific dietary plan. If he’s trying to avoid beer while training, don’t stock your fridge with Heinekein, that’s cunty. In the same way, if he’s sticking to a Paleo diet of all unrefined carbs, be supportive with a dinner of chicken, sweet potatoes and veggies. Your grandma’s marble cake recipe, while delicious, will lead to self-loathing and once again, resentment against you for acting as a temptress toward evil ways.
Final Words
The most important thing to remember when dating a triathlete or other endurance athlete is to be his ally, not his enemy. Endurance races require incredible mental and physical stamina, and the commitment required to stick to a training plan daily is something you should admire in your guy, not resent. The more you support him in his passion, the more he will appreciate you: be his cheerleader on race days, help him carry his bike from the transition area when he’s all tuckered out afterwards, give him a little rub down and help him stretch his hammies. Go on some runs with him, if you can keep up: you might be fast enough if he’s building his base (low intensity training in the early stages of conditioning). Like it or not, these races are a part of his identity … and if you don’t like it, well, you probably shouldn’t date him.
Okaaaaaay. It’s just that one feels SO bad and the other feels So good. Or should. Ya never know.
And just to keep being a pain in the ass, SWAG is a some wild ass guess and Schwag is good free stuff.
I didn’t check the link for fear I might be wrong.
I’ve used bonking for both, and have used boinking for the fun one. I think it’s like swag v. schwag, both acceptable. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bonking
It’s boinking, not bonking. One’s fun, one’s not.
and if we become triathletes AFTER marriage?? She had no way of “and if you don’t like it, well, you probably shouldn’t date him.”
Along with being an ultramarathoner, Henry is also an ultrahusband. 🙂
I’m an ultra-runner guy, and I know that the athlete has a job to do in bringing their significant others on board, too. Before I train for 100’s, I have a good long talk with the Missus to discuss schedule, time commitment, etc. We pick my races together so my training schedule doesn’t mess up her life too much, or get in the way of my supporting her big goals. It only works if the whole team is on board!
i feel as if i need to date a triathlete just to get my own lazy ass off the couch…
trying to impress someone tends to be the best remedy for just about everything.