5 Signs That You Just Moved to LA

Emma Stone

1.  You stare at any thin person wearing sunglasses, trying to figure out if they’re a celebrity.

And you know what, often times it is a celebrity! Other times it’s the woman from the Wendy’s commercial! God, I love this city.

2.  In case you get pulled over, you already have a lie ready for the cop as to why you haven’t gotten a California driver’s license yet.

Though, as of yesterday, this one doesn’t apply to me anymore. And my new picture is AWFUL. When I passed my test, I was pretty excited to take a new photo for my license, and not because my old one was a bad picture — that picture was taken on my 21st birthday when I had that natural, happy glow you only get on your wedding day and that first year when you can legally drink. TSA agents across this great country have given that photo rave reviews. But because I’m blonde in the picture, sometimes I get a little trouble from bouncers, so I was happy to get a new one with my red hair. UNTIL I SAW IT. It’s like some sort of Biggest Loser “before” photo where you think “Oh, she’s going to be so beautiful when she loses the weight.” The picture is so close up. I look like a bowling ball with horse teeth.

Coachella

 

3.  Up until this week, someone has tried to sell you a Coachella ticket.

No, thank you! I don’t want to pay $500 to get date raped in a teepee!

4.  You don’t know that when someone asks what you do, “unemployed” or “temp/waitress/receptionist/etc.” are never the right answers.

You are either “in between projects” or you’re an “actor/writer/editor/whatever” regardless of whether or not you’re getting paid for it. For the second answer, they will inevitably follow up with, “Well, who do you ______ for? Anything I might have seen?” and at that point you can just start exaggerating. While at The Den in West Hollywood a couple weeks ago, I found myself out and out lying about what I did to some guy. Then he told me he was a student at UCLA, and I said BYYYYYYEEEEEEEE as I moonwalked out the door.

Californians

5.  You get endless delight from reading street signs and freeway names in a The Californians voice.

La Cienegaaaaaaa.

 

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Love Dara’s take on LA living? See more of her hilarious work at Brunch for Every Meal!

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About the author

My name’s Dara, and I’m a comedic actor and writer. I write about everything (dating, things I find annoying [which is a lot of things], food, reality Housewives from all walks of life), and I can tell you that if you really like brunch, you will probably enjoy half-reading my blog while you watch Ice Loves Coco (btw, that’s another thing I write about a lot). I know this because if you appreciate brunch and believe in its ideals of unapologetic fancy-shmancy-ness, the right to order pancakes even if you don’t get out of bed til noon, and judgement-free drinking of champagne before 3pm… then you might like the blog written by someone who also believes in those things. See Dara's blog at: http://brunchforeverymeal.com

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1 comment

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