5 Celebrity Invites from a Non-Marine

 Here are the events and celebrities I would like to graciously reach out to:

 1. Lady Gaga:  Would you please take me back to school shopping?  Your eye for fashion will definitely serve me well when finding that perfect first-day-of-school outfit (but please, no sliding If Mila Kunis is going to Sgt. Scott Moore’s Marine Corps Ball, why can’t I go to formal with Darren Criss?meat-suits/studded leather bras/turquoise wigs over the dressing room door when I’m trying on jeans.)

2. Everyone in the cast of Harry Potter (except Michael Gambon–get out of here, Sham Dumbledore):  Please make yourself available for when I see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 so that I may sob into your shoulders uncontrollably, and make sure your pockets are stuffed with tissues, preferrably the Puffs kind.  It would be most appreciated.  (BRB–started cryin’ just thinkin’ about it.)

3. Darren Criss:  I’d like to take this opportunity to extend an invitation to my family’s highly exclusive, best-party-you’ve-ever-been-to-in-your-life Annual Yule Ball Christmas dance party.  (Yes, this is real.  And probably better than all Hollywood parties put together EVER.  Interested yet?  Should I keep going?)  You seem like a pretty good dancer, not to mention you played Harry Potter in A Very Potter Musical.  It seems pretty fitting.  Please bring Heather Morris, too, because I like the way she dances and I’m hopin’ we can choreograph a fake-dance fight (I’ll win, of course — it’s my party, after all…)

4. Emma Stone:  Your rising status as the latest funny “It Girl” on the Hollywood scene would really bump up my cool-status if you were my wingman at my upcoming birthday party.  I know it won’t be as glamorous as the Hollywood parties you are used to, but, I can definitely promise sparkling apple cider, a rousing game of Monopoly Deal, and probably some barbeque.

5. Tina Fey:  Oh Holy Heroine of aspiring comedivas like myself, would you do me the honor of just realizing my existence?  (If you are reading this — thank you.)

Obviously, I look forward to hearing back from you all very soon.  Now, I don’t want you guys to fight over the opportunity to prove your down-to-earthness by hanging out with me, so I assure you that all of you will get the chance to attend at least one event of your choosing with me.  My schedule (and email inbox) is clear, ready for the fillin’.

Looking forward to getting all those RSVPs!

****