These days, straight guys are so great about styling and grooming themselves that’s it’s hard to tell whether they’re metrosexual or homosexual.
Here’s how you can tell if the guy you’re crushing on is actually not your next gay BFF, but the stylish new metro guy you’re totally gonna sexify.
10. Watch out for the following musical artists on his iTunes playlist (which would NEVER be found on a gay man’s playlist):
Linkin Park, Bruce Springsteen, Nickelback, Flo Rida, Chris Brown (post-Rihanna break up), country music of any kind with the exception of Dustin Lynch (who a gay man might put on his playlist just for the album art eye candy), Matchbox Twenty, Lil’ Wayne, Guns N’ Roses, Metallica, and Kanye West (post-becoming-the-biggest-douchebag-in-history-by-interrupting-Taylor-Swift’s-acceptance-speech-and-then-dating-Kim-Kardashian).
9. Sports.
In a choice between anything and sports, sports always wins.
8. His favorite shows include the following:
“Ancient Aliens,” “Pawn Stars,” “Two and Half Men,” “Dexter,” “Boardwalk Empire,” “The Deadliest Catch,” anything written by Seth McFarlane, “Breaking Bad,” and whatever the hell “Sons of Anarchy” is.
7. He wears light, bright colors, but couldn’t tell you what they are called.
Often, metrosexuals will wear bright, colorful attire but they won’t know what the specific “designer name” is for these colors. So, he’s probably metro if you ask him what color he is currently wearing and he responds with something general like: “green,” “pink,” “orange,” “yellow,” “a light version of one of the primary colors I suspect,” or “I’m not sure, I just bought it because it makes me look sexy and I really want to be in a vagina soon.”
6. He’s a big fan of beer pong.
5. He’s got a “man crush” on Jon Hamm.
4. Camping.
His idea of fun on the weekends is going camping in the middle of nowhere where you have to poop underneath a tree and wipe your ass with a leaf.
3. His favorite actors are:
Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino, and he owns every single Martin Scorsese film EVER made.
[sz-youtube url=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8XDo4lsa10″ /]
2. Examine how he dances at a club:
If his only dance move is him continually “raising the roof” while he shuffles his feet clumsily from side to side — wearing an “I’m-totally-digging-this-fat-beat” frown on his face — then he’s certainly not a gay man.
You can be sure he is just a metrosexual.
1. Have you examined whether his pupils dilate when he checks you out?
A recent study has shown that a gay man’s pupils will dilate unconsciously when they see another attractive man. The same is true of straight men: their pupils will dilate unconsciously when they see an attractive woman.
So, if you’re not sure whether the guy you’re crushing on is homo or metro, lean into him, flash your boob into his eye, then check to see if his pupils dilate.
If they do, congratulations!
You’ve just found yourself your dream guy: a gay man who’s more than willing to bone you.
