Hey, hosebeasts, what up? I’ve been known to do a little karaoke in my day, and I’ll admit that there are fewer artists I love sloppily belting along to than Lady Gaga. I mean, when I watch her music videos, I’m not sure if I’m drunk or sober.And this video takes that one step further, turning a Lady Gaga song into a mutant sex riot. I can really get on board with any song that includes the line “scaly pores or diamond breasts.” I’ve always thought of myself as something of X-Woman — my mastery of field sobriety tests borders on supernatural — and this music video makes me feel pretty damn good about that. My invitation to move into the mansion will be along any day now…that Wolverine guy always looked like he’d be a good drinking buddy. At the very least, I’d never have to carry a bottle opener.
Just kidding. I haven’t carried a bottle opener in years. Isn’t that what teeth are for?