You, like me, probably spend all of your non-Comediva reading hours figuring out how to take over the world with your powers of funny womanhood (or mancandyhood). So, I went on a quest for words of wisdom from some well-admired fictional women to help us along our journey.
Being a girl, my first priority was to go in search of an inspirational princess, excuse me, THE inspirational princess:
Princess Leia
And this is what she said to me:
“Comedy? Well, my thing is more leading rebellions, but when I do dabble in stand up I’m 100% an insult comic. Call the audience a bunch of ‘half-witted, scruffy-looking Nerf herders or a bunch of laser brains. They’ll love you.”
I know
…exactly what she meant by that. So, I thanked her and went on my way to find:
Hermione Granger
Who spent about 3 hours explaining the origins of Greek comedy to me before telling me:
“Prop comedy, definitely. When in doubt, just make hilarious things appear, or like, turn Ron into a woman. It’s hilarious.”
I told her that I can’t actually do magic and she responded with this gem:
“Comedy is magic. It’s the element of surprise that makes people laugh, so always stay two steps ahead of them and have a twist.”
And then a piano fell on her head and smashed her. Just kidding.
Then I decided to go back to my roots with the woman who made me laugh as a small child:
Amelia Bedelia
Our conversation went as follows:
Me: You cracked my @$$ up when I was a kid.
Amelia: I don’t think that I created that crack. We are all born with them.
Me: No, I mean you kept me in stitches.
Amelia: Oh, I am terribly sorry. Have you had them removed yet?
And then I left, because, let’s face it. This kind of comedy is annoying and dated. So, I decided to ask someone that the kids are into THESE DAYS:
Bella Swan
When I asked Bella for a quote she bit her lower lip, sighed, slouched, but her lip again and then gave me this:
“You could probably only take over the world through comedy if you found a funny boyfriend or something. I dunno, ask Edward.”
I then started my quest for a hot vampire boyfriend to teach me jokes about my A+ blood type, but then I remembered that I’m a lesbian. Because clearly that’s the only problem with this advice since girls aren’t funny and can’t think for themselves and OH MY GOD, MY BODY WAS JUST TAKEN OVER BY REDDIT TROLLS!
To cleanse, I went to the opposite end of the spectrum:
Buffy Summers
She kept it brief.
“I’m usually funny without trying. So, just stay true to yourself. Oh, and if they heckle, stake ’em.”
You heard the lady. Comment at your own risk. 😉
