How Gay Are You?

A good indicator is level of personal comfort: some women skew towards prude, and won’t touch their own vagina with a ten-foot pole, while the more lady-loving breed seem to have a very healthy relationship with their parts and any readily available hand mirror. Ergo, it’s my belief that one’s sexual nature is directly related to one’s choice of menstrual product. (Is it coincidence that only my bisexual friends were regular users of the applicator-free OB? I think not.) Let’s explore the varying rag methods and what type of gal they’re associated with:

Pads – Vag Comfort Level: 0.

pads
Reserved for virgins, pads are what you lived with back when you were afraid to go anywhere near your holy place. Pad-wearers would rather wear a diaper and sit sidelined by the pool on hot summer days than struggle through the angst of a 45-minute tampon battle in the bathroom, while her less genital-terrified gymnast friend coaches, “Really, it’s not that bad!” Am I speaking from personal experience? Yes. The benefit? No risk of creepy toxic shock syndrome.

Tampons – Vag Comfort Level: 2.


applicator
A step up from diaperville, tampons are the friend of most women, freeing us up to engage in various activities without fear of leaking. Many teens brave tampon territory with the advent of varsity sports, while others wait for more advanced sexual play, lest they lose their v-card to Tampax. (Relax, young ladies: they come in slender.) Definitely requires some interaction, but the plastic wand keeps you a safe distance from feeling too gay.

Applicator-Free Tampons – Vag Comfort Level: 5.

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“Hands-on” is the name of the game for these cotton bullets, which you’ll find in abundance in European countries or your bisexual friend’s linen closet, which makes sense, because aren’t all Europeans kinda bi? The first time I saw one of these, I thought, “WTF am I supposed to do with that?” Indeed. Every tamp change involves a complimentary fingerbang. But the lack of an applicator makes them both cheaper and more eco-friendly, and once you get used to them, they’re not so shocking.

Menstrual Cup – Vag Comfort Level: 10.

menstrual-cup
The most eco-friendly and involved of menstrual products, the cup is a little dish that gathers your shed uterine lining and is emptied out into a sink, washed out, and reused again and again. Needless to say, this requires both a high level of personal comfort in using the product, as well as with coming face-to-face with your Aunt Flo in all her gory glory. It therefore makes a lot of sense that the only people I know who’ve used these have also had long-term girlfriends, at least for some point in their lives. I also find that these women enjoy saving the planet, so there’s a happy correlation there, too.
I’d like to add a caveat to this piece: ultimately, whatever you do and whomever you love is up to you. You can be a hippie lesbian who rocks some old fashioned cotton rags, or you can be a very enlightened hetero who digs on the cup, no value judgments or rules here. It’s what the spectrum’s all about.

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