What to Do When Your New Pet Rabbit Is Actually a Magical Easter Bunny

A Five-Step Guide to the Care and Feeding of Your Easter Bunny

Step #1:  Health Risks.

Isolate your bunny from all other pets. Magic is contagious, and most pets simply do not have the constitution for it.  If you don’t want to see your dog slobber rainbow drool, your cat puke fairy-dustballs, or your hamster poop rhinestones, then quarantine the bunny! Fear not!  Your pets will eventually develop magic-immunity and you’ll only have to worry about the occasional glistening rodent turd.

Step #2:  Legal Matters. 

Naming your rabbit. Easter Bunnies fare best in life with three syllable names (e.g. Hephaestus, Alistair, or BonBonFluff). After you’ve given your furry friend a fitting moniker, contact your local branch of the Mythological Holiday Creatures Bureau.  File all necessary paperwork in order to properly register your enchanted lagomorph. The MHCB also issues specialty egg-laying licenses. Otherwise, your bunny is at risk to be cited for “crimes against nature.”

Step #3:  Bunny-Proofing.

Take out a homeowner’s insurance policy — with a damage-by-magic clause.  Juvenile Easter Bunnies have super-rabbit strength and love to burrow into mattresses and couch cushions.  Your Ikea furniture doesn’t stand a chance.

Step #4:  Diet. 

To successfully lay primo Easter Eggs, young Easter Bunnies must eat only hydroponically grown carrots, pure-cane rock candy, French buttercream, and gin.  This starts from day one, which might involve blending the afore-mentioned ingredients and bottle-feeding your rabbit.

Step #5:  Physical Fitness.  

Lifting Easter Baskets requires muscles that normal rabbits don’t use. An easy fix: Take your bunny to the gym with you.  You can spot each other’s bench presses.  When the time comes for your Easter Bunny to lay his first egg, be prepared to mop the sweat from his fuzzy brow and hold his paw.   Wear gloves.

Follow these simple steps and you and your special new bunny will enjoy many years of magic, cuddling, and Easter cheer together!