Quiz: What Kind of Elf Should You Date?

Sexy elves abound at the North Pole!  Has the Christmas spirit made you randy?  Would you like to date an elf?  Of course you would!  But which kind?Take this quiz and find out who your ideal elf is!

1.  How do you feel about the Ben Affleck action film Reindeer Games?


a)  Reindeer Games is a poor man’s Die Hard.

b)  I love anything to do with Christmas and reindeer and holiday cheer!

c)  I wonder if we could book a Ben Affleck appearance at the North Pole.

d)  I’d do Ben Affleck on a sleigh.

2.  How do you take your eggnog?

Holiday Eggnog

a)  Screw eggnog.  I’ll take straight whiskey.

b)  I could drink eggnog all day long!  All year round!  I’ll take a glass right now!

c)  I wonder if there is a different, better beverage to promote around Christmastime…

d)  Eggnog warms my loins.

3.  Do you like baking and building gingerbread houses?


a)  I like pretending that my gingerbread house is under attack.  Gumdrop assault on the invaders!  Frosting bombs away!  Mistletoe missiles!  Die, gingerbread mofos, die!

b)  I both start and end my day by baking and building gingerbread houses.

c)  We should build gingerbread Apple Stores, to get in on that market share.

d)  I really like licking the spoon afterwards.

4.  What’s the best use for candy canes?


a)  I sharpen them into shivs.

b)  I use them for everything.  Stirring my coffee, as hairpins, anything!

c)  I see a huge opportunity in candy cane branding.  Bieber candy canes.  Twilight candy canes.  Just think of the ROI!

d)  I’ve yet to figure out a way to incorporate them into sex, but I haven’t given up yet.

5.  How are you celebrating Christmas this year?


a)  It’s a Christmas wonderland at the gun range!

b)  Surrounded by friends, family, and warm fuzzies.

c)  At the mall.  Taking notes.  Rethinking Christmas sales strategies.

d)  Wearing nothing but a Santa hat.

Scroll down for results!

If you answered:

Mostly A:  You should date a North Pole Border Defense Elf!


Mostly B:  The Christmas Spirit Cheerleader Elf is the bubbly guy for you!


Mostly C:  Go on a holiday date with a corporate-minded PR and Marketing Elf.


Mostly D:  Get down and dirty with a Marshmallow Fluffer Elf.



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About the author

Kristen Bobst is a grade-A comedy writer, an unstoppable sock puppeteer, and the world’s foremost whimsy aficionado. She certainly believes the meaning of life really is 42; and right now Kristen is really into The Carrie Diaries.

Comediva. Where the funny girls are.

View all articles by Kristen Bobst

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