Top 7 PILFs (Professors I’d Like to F**k)

Continuing our series exploring the ILFs (see Robots I’d Like to F**k), we now turn our attention to academia. Namely, professors. As authority figures in a world chock-full of nubile young coeds, they get lots of action. But what about the professors who go by the wayside? Who advocates for forgotten hotties like the innovator of slaying, Professor Abraham Van Helsing (Buffy can eat his vamp-dust!):

Or, genius mentor and dimensional traveller, Professor Maximillian Arturo (we’d Slide around his undercarriage!):

So ladies, as a free service, here’s a list of 7 of the hottest PILFs ever! Read, sit back, and enjoy the erudite erogeny!

7)  Professor X from X-Men
Degrees:  Ph.D.s in Genetics, Biophysics and Psychology

British bald men are sexy. There’s something about a shiny head and an accent. Plus, who hasn’t wanted a lover who could read your mind … or telepathically give you the Big O, O-ver and O-ver? He is paralyzed from the waist down, but never fear: there’s always oral.

6)  The Professor from “Gilligan’s Island”
Degree:  Ph.D. in Botany

Mad respect to the O.G., taking care of business on Gilligan’s Isle. Prof. Roy Hinkley not only kept himself in tip-top shape while marooned (just ask Ginger and Mary Anne!), this motherfucker could build a radio out of coconuts and bamboo! Imagine what he could do with a clit…

5)  Professor Minerva McGonagall from the Harry Potter series
Degree:  Animagus, Professor of Transfiguration

You must have noticed that most of the professors on this list are male, and Prof. McGonagall is no exception. Everyone knows who wears the robes at Hogwarts. Did you see how she commanded those stone sentinels to defend Hogwarts? Hawt! This cougar is a badass mother who don’t take no crap off of nobody!

4)  Professor James Moriarty from The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
Degree:  Ph.D. in Mathematics

Bad boys can often be irresistible, so how hot would it be to fuck a super-villain? His evil geniusing skills have certainly been put to use to construct all kinds of bizarre sex toys and steam-powered dildos. This guy went super-brain to super-brain with Sherlock Freakin’ Holmes, imagine the level of dirty talk he brings to the table!

3)  The Ghostbusters (Professors Peter Venkman, Raymond Stantz, and Egon Spengler)
Degrees:  Ph.D.s in Parapsychology (among many others)

Who you gonna (booty)call? Orgy! And if Slimer gets involved, no lube needed! Winning! What’s not to love about these guys? They’re smart, funny, and they have a job! That’s already better than 50% of the dating pool! They’re spiritual, plus: they’re DOCTORS! Your mom will be so proud!

2)  Professor Ross Gellar from “Friends”
Degree:  Ph.D. in Paleontology

Who’s had more women than Ross Gellar (besides Joey, natch)? A recent study quantified the rampant fucking found throughout the 9 seasons of Friends, and found that Dr. Gellar bedded 16 different women, tying the slutty Phoebe Buffay and losing out to the great cocksman, Joey Tribbiani, by only 1 vagina. So, nebbish or not, he must be packing some heat in his pants.

1)  Professor Henry “Indiana” Jones, Jr.
Degree:  Ph.D. in Archaeology

The Man. Breakin’ hearts and kickin’ ass, be it in the classroom, or deep in the jungles while hunting down a lost artifact (“It belongs in a museum!”). He’s tough, but he’s scared of snakes, which gives him an adorable vulnerability. And he’s already got a whip. Bonus!

Who’s your favorite studious stud? Let us know in the comments below!


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About the author

Luis Navarro

Luis Navarro is a token man slave and writer for Comediva.  He is a proud Valley Boy ("Fer sure") and martial artist.  He earned a Master's Degree in Counseling and is an ordained online minister!  He also boasts an encyclopedic knowledge of the Star Wars Expanded Universe and post-1970s movie trivia.  He is secure enough in his masculinity to admit a fondness for unicorns.

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