5. Meryl Streep and Andrew Garfield
Hey, I dig chicks, but I can recognize an awesome, dreamy actor when I see one. Andrew Garfield, of The Social Network and soon-to-be-released The Amazing Spider-Man, is considered one of the best actors of his generation. Meryl Streep is considered the best actress of all generations. Streep is super classy. Garfield is super British. It just makes sense.
4. Ian McKellan and Lance Bass
I once saw McKellan sit and tap his foot to the musical stylings of Kylie Minogue backstage at Saturday Night Live: clearly this knight has a penchant for sweet beats, so why wouldn’t he fall for a guy who helped introduce the world to synchronized boy band dance grooves? Moreover, Bass is the sweet, sensitive type, and McKellan played Gandalf: perfectly complementary. The Bilbo to his Wizard.
3. Betty White and Zac Efron
Opposites attract, no? So why not pair up a sexually liberated, potentially kind of horny peep with someone who exudes age-appropriate innocence? [White being the horndog and Efron being innocent. Apart from that Rolling Stone cover he did that gave me one of my first-ever hetero-moments. I’m not ashamed.] White and Efron would be a #winning couple, simply because White’d be able to teach that youngster a thing or two about how to treat a lady, how to be unafraid of saying pervy things on the fly, and how to locate Depends in every grocery store. Grandma Efron would be psyched, too.
2. Jane Lynch and Justin Bieber
As one of the saving graces of “Glee,” as well as one of the funniest ladies ever to hit the screen, we can glean two things about Lynch: first, that she has a soft spot for dance numbers; second, that she enjoys any level of ridiculous that comes her way. What’s more, they say that to properly cast a total villain, you have to cast the nicest person. If that’s true, Lynch must be a saint and would just add to Bieber’s squeaky-clean image.
Bieber isn’t a lesbian?
He should probably quit it with the flannel and the lesbian face.
It’s really killing my gaydar.
I’m going to leave this here, anyway.
1. Kate Winslet and Me
Why, yes, I did just trick you into reading this whole article so you could find out how much I love Kate Winslet.
Now, Winslet isn’t actually all that old, but she does exceed the usual 5-year gap I’ve established for myself. [For reasons unknown, really. Desperate times call for desperate measures, eh?] She can be zany, she can be serious; she’s one of the most talented actresses of our time; and that one artsy scene in Titanic was what sparked the baby-gay within. TMI? Nay, True Love cannot be restrained.
And here I’ll say: Kate [can I call you Kate?], I’m really good with kids.
And there you have it, friends! Just a small sampling of cougartastic and creeptastic relationships that’d tear up the headlines and tug at our heartstrings.
Don’t think about them too much, though.
That’d be weird.