Jack the Giant Slayer opened recently to less than stellar reviews. Hollywood’s been hell-bent to turn every single fairy tale property into a movie or T.V. series. Here are some children’s cautionary tales that should remain in book form only!
The Princess and the Pea
A 3D movie version of this would be nothing short of propaganda for Big Mattress with serious consequences to the ever-struggling organic pea-farmer’s cause.
Humpty Dumpty
The only way we’d see this is if it stars Eggs-Benedict Cumberbatch.
Catskin
Fortunately PETA will probably keep this one out of the theaters.
Bambi
What has been seen cannot be unseen.
The Ugly Duckling
This movie has already been made as every single pretty-ugly-girl teen movie ever made.
Tom Thumb
If this storyline hasn’t already appeared in Once Upon A Time, it probably will be featured soon. Sigh.
The Boy Who Cried Wolf
We’re waiting for the sheep-themed episode of Lie to Me.
The Tale of the Shifty Lad, the Widow’s Son
Probably too murder-y for a PG rating.
The Baba Yaga
A story about a witch who flies around in a mortar and pestle? Ok, Hollywood, cast Jennifer Lawrence, and make it happen.
