Superman vs. Harry Potter

Let’s be honest: with their superhuman abilities, their neverending battle against forces of evil, and their need to keep their true identities hidden from muggles, witches and wizards are very much superheroes.

And, sure, superheroes have superpowers, super-utility belts, and super-abs, but could they really beat a witch or wizard in a fight?


Let’s explore:


Clark Kent/Superman vs. Polyjuice Potion


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Every superhero has a secret identity; and every witch or wizard of a certain potion-making aptitude has access to Polyjuice Potion.  Can we really believe Lois Lane couldn’t see the similarities in stature, voice, and face between Clark Kent and Superman?  Our favorite magical trio, Harry, Ron and Hermione, on the other hand, managed to infiltrate a government fortress legitimately undercover.  Witches and wizards would win every costume contest ever.


Batman vs. Expelliarmus


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That’s right: just one flick of a wand and everyone gets to sit back for a few minutes to watch as the Dark Knight is stripped naked.


Superheroines vs. Hermione


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Unless the ladies who grace the pages of our comic books start to wear battle-ready gear, there’s no way Harry’s #1 savior will be second-best.  While Catwoman (What?! She’s an anti-hero) is too preoccupied with slipping around the room with an impressive showing of Kama Sutra techniques, Hermione whips out her wand and cries, “Petrificus Totalus!” before accio’ing a robe or two.


The Hulk vs. Angst


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Anyone who’s seen/read the last few instalments of Harry Potter knows everyone involved underwent a massively uncomfortable hormonal upheaval.  And anyone familiar with the Unfriendly Green Giant knows his transformation really just an amped up version of puberty.  That said, as the wizarding teens’ bouts of unnecessary depression rendered them irritating and useless, and as the Hulk’s hulking out actually does some good in terms of kicking ass and taking names, let’s give this one to the superheroes.


Professor Xavier vs. Albus Dumbledore


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Wand at the ready!  Mind control rearing to go!  But, wait!  Is war between our peoples really necessary?  Can we not fight Dark Wizards/Witches and vengeful mutants together?  Yes!  So, really, Love and Justice win here.  Lame.

Photoshoppin’ by Luis M. Navarro


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About the author

Vickie Toro

Hi, friend! I'm Vickie Toro. I'm the lesbian in Lesbros, the creator and one of the writers of BAMF Girls Club, and the Frumpy Girl who commiserates with your Style Ineptness. I'm a Potterhead, water-dancer, and overall TV junky. Also sports movies make me cry.

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