Steve’s Dignity Graphs: Balance Girlfriend and Manliness

I’m not going to sugarcoat it for you, bros.  Having a relationship is tough.  It takes a lot of work and constant maintenance.  But it’s totally worth it when you wake up in the morning to your lovely lady spooning you.


Probably the hardest thing to maintain is balance.  Balance between how much you love your girlfriend and your reputation as a man is very important.  You also have to make it your priority to ensure she doesn’t think you love her too much.  She’ll get bored and leave you if you’re too perfect, so you gotta f*ck up sometimes.  For realsies!  Because guys like math, I made some graphs demonstrating this key balance (click to enlarge):
 

1_Graph_Time


You need to invent a good excuse for why you can’t make poker night to cover up the truth: you’re painting your girlfriend’s nails.
 

2_Graph_Dinner


Spending too much time doing something nice for your girlfriend means you must humiliate her a little in front of her parents.
 

3_Graph_guy_Time


Don’t let ANYONE know this.  But it’s true.
 

4_Graph_Money


If you buy her a really sweet present, you must play more video games to compensate.
 

5_Graph_Shame


The consequences will be harsh if anyone ever finds this stuff out!

I hope this helps, bros.  Just remember, if you’re not giving your girlfriend something to b*tch about to her friends, then you’re not doing your job!

 


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Comediva

Comediva makes and shares fiercely funny female-driven comedy. Join the movement!

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2 comments

  1. Linda Y. Chavez
    Linda Y. Chavez

    It’s hard being a man. And, how do I convince my boyfriend to braid my hair? I used to love hair brushing time with my mom when I was little. I never knew you could do that with your boyfriend! I’m putting in a request!

  2. EC

    Love the charts, that really helps me visualize the inner turmoil guys go through when balancing dignity and love for girlfriend. Thanks for sharing your world with us, Steve!

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