Snoop Dogg Blazes Into Primetime

Snoop Dogg’s appearance on The Price Is Right was a bizarre and wonderful piece of television.  Kicking off the game show’s new season, the West Coast G Funk kingpin sauntered around the set, lounged in a convertible and generally delighted and bewildered the audience.  This eccentric guest-star would be a huge boon to any show!  So, what would happen if some of our fave TV shows thought, “Why bother with renowned actors or scintillating scripts when you can just add a rapper and copious amounts of ganja?!”  Read on!

Glee

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Mr. Schue hits the jackpot when he sends a sickeningly heart-felt letter and convinces hip hop legend Snoop Dogg to perform with New Directions at Nationals.  However, Rachel Berry will have none of it!  Dismissing Snoop as “low class” and his vocal talents as “pedestrian,” she refuses to participate. Meanwhile, Principal Figgins, who always dreamed of being a hardcore gangster rapper, plans a pep rally to welcome the Doggfather, which angers Sue Sylvester, who wanted the money to repair her hyperbaric chamber.  All bets are off when Snoop arrives with his tour bus, entourage, and seven garbage bags full of hippie lettuce.

After a big, fat doob, Rachel finally unclenches, has a spiritual awakening, and embraces the teachings of Haile Selassie.  At the pep rally, Snoop, Artie and Britney tear the house down with a freestyle rap battle. Britney wins, obviously.  A bitter Sue arrives with a DEA task force and totally harshes everyone’s buzz, interrupting Figgins’ interpretation of Tupac’s “California Love.”  Avoiding the fuzz, Snoop, Britney and Santana snag the last three bags of wacky tobacky and ride off into the sunset.

Survivor

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Desperate for a new angle, Mark Burnett and CBS shell out the big bucks (and relocate the production to a forest 10 minutes outside of Amsterdam) to lure Snoop Dogg to spend 39 days in the wild.  Snoop and his tribe make a strong showing against the omnipresent Rob Mariano’s plucky group in the first challenge, but soon become extremely unmotivated and prone to fits of giggles.  At first, concerned that they’ve contracted some type of nature virus, host Jeff Probst investigates, and discovers a well-tended patch of weed growing under a log behind Tribal Council.

Saved By the Bell

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When Bayside High’s most happening band, Zack Attack, can’t perform at the Summer Harvest Dance after Jessie Spano goes to rehab for caffeine pill addiction, Principal Belding turns to Zack and Slater for help.  After being turned down by Morris Day and the Time, Zack breaks the fourth wall and asks the audience for help.

Crawling in like the creepy girl from The Ring, Snoop Doggy Dogg to the rescue!  After a rousing cover of Metallica’s “Sad But True,” a triumphant Snoop gives words of wisdom to Zack, who keeps his pimp hand strong, and finally gets the game to bed the elusive Kelly Kapowski.  After the dance, Snoop consoles a lonely, frantic Screech with a nice big tray of sticky-icky-ICKY brownies.

A Charlie Brown Christmas

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Morose and suicidal, Charlie Brown feels hopeless after Snoopy refuses to participate in his school nativity play.  Linus knows who would be the perfect replacement, and they won’t even have to change the name in the programs!

Snoop Dogg arrives with his own “little tree” for the show, also featuring scantily clad dancers and a spoken-word performance on the true meaning of Christmas by former pimp Don “Magic” Juan.  When Charlie Brown is still being a downer after the holiday spectacular, Lucy bypasses the football and just kicks him in the nuts.  Retiring to Snoopy’s doghouse for some gin and juice, Snoop Dogg and Snoopy the Dog bust out the vaporizer and fly off into the night.


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About the author

Luis Navarro

Luis Navarro is a token man slave and writer for Comediva.  He is a proud Valley Boy (“Fer sure”) and martial artist.  He earned a Master’s Degree in Counseling and is an ordained online minister!  He also boasts an encyclopedic knowledge of the Star Wars Expanded Universe and post-1970s movie trivia.  He is secure enough in his masculinity to admit a fondness for unicorns.

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