Katniss, The Hunger Games
K: Psst, Siri. How do you treat 3rd degree burns?
S: A physician would be necessary for proper treatment. Shall I call one?
K: Shhhh, Siri, be quiet! The Careers are right here with spears!
S: I apologize, Katniss. I’ll be quieter from now on.
K: SIRI SHUT UP PLE– Ugh. Siri, how do you treat a spear wound?
Tony Stark, Iron Man
T: I need to modify my suit. Get me Gold Titanium Metal.
S: I’m sorry. I don’t know what that is.
T: What? You’re useless. What kind of artificial intelligence are you?
S: I’m sorry. Am I insufficient?
T: Siri, just get me JARVIS.
Vizzini, The Princess Bride
V: Siri, how do I lose a person who is following me?
S: Travel in a zigzag pattern. Do you have a follower?
V: NO, IT’S HYPOTHETICAL. THAT WOULD BE INCONCEIVABLE… Siri, define “inconceivable.”
S: Inconceivable: Not capable of being imagined or grasped mentally; unbelievable.
V: Ohhhh. Nevermind. Don’t tell Inigo.
Chuck Noland, Cast Away
C: Siri, Wilson and I had an argument. Will you be my friend?
S: Of course, Chuck. Would you like to play a game?
C: You can do that? What else can you do? Wait — you’re a phone! CALL SOMEONE AND TELL THEM I’M HERE.
S: I’m sorry Chuck, but I don’t currently have service.
C: …I’m going back to Wilson.
Any Woody Allen Character
W: Oy Siri, I think I have meningitis. Call an ambulance!
S: What symptoms do you have?
W: All of them! Siri, I’m probably dying as we speak and you’re doing nothing!
S: Would you like me to remind you to schedule a doctor appointment on Monday?
W: SIRI I FEEL DEATH APPROACHING.
S: Take some ibuprofen and you’ll feel better.
W: Fine. But I’m sure I have a tumor in my leg.
L: Siri, I wish I knew my dad.
S: Would you like me to call your father?
L: Um, good luck.
S: Calling “Darth Vader.”
L: WAIT WHAT?
Dorothy, The Wizard of Oz
D: Siri, I don’t think I’m in Kansas anymore. Where am I?
S: My GPS says you’re in Oz.
D: Okay, can you get me directions home?
S: Yes; finding directions now.
D: Swell. Let’s go Toto! Glad we don’t have to hang around this creepy place!
Bella, Breaking Dawn Part 1
B: Siri, I think I may be sick from my pregnancy.
S: What are your symptoms?
B: I’m tired and I’m wasting away to nothingness.
S: You have a vampire baby. Drink some blood.
B: Ew, gross — no.
S: Fine, Bella. Even I don’t like you and I’m programmed to be unconditionally polite. Do what you want.