Sexual Innuendo in Famous Lines from Sci-Fi Movies

Science fiction movies are traditionally full of aliens, evil robots, matrixes, cool weapons, and various apocalypses…

But do you know what else science fiction movies are notorious for?  Sticky-sweaty-sultry subtext.

Here are the top ten naughtiest quotations from your favorite science fiction films, complete with innuendo!

“Live long and prosper” – Spock, Star Trek

Do my tapered ears tantalize you?

Subtext:  Bonk around a lot and you’ll enjoy life much, much more.  Trust me.  I know these things.  What do you think pon farr is all about, anyway?  Sheesh, people, get with the program.  I’m a Vulcan, not a nun!

“There is no spoon?” – Neo, The Matrix

I’m not wearing any underwear…

Subtext:  Wait, what?  I am so confused.  When do I get to bang Trinity?  Not till the next movie?  Ah, f*ck, this is going to be a long trilogy.

“Negative, I am a meat popsicle.” – Korben Dallas, The Fifth Element

Remind me to wear more clothes next time I’m on a ledge.

Subtext:  Only a beefy alpha male could pull off this tight, orange, rubber tank top.  I’m a manly man and I know you want to taste me.

“He who controls the Spice, controls the universe!” – Baron Harkonnen, Dune

I’m a rock star, too!

Subtext:  By Spice, of course, I mean Viagra.  Why do you think the Fremen have glowing blue eyes.  Little blue pill equals shiny blue peepers.

“Do…or do not.  There is no try.” – Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back

Subtext:  Like this it is. When f*cking some hot piece of ass you are, and “Make me see the stars, Jedi Master!” she exclaims — But not really feeling it you are, because released your Force five minutes ago you did — That’s when man up you shall — And with your garbage worm satisfy her sarlacc you must!

“Gort!  Klaatu barada nikto!” – Helen, The Day the Earth Stood Still

Subtext:  Oh, Gort, you’re a sexy robot.  How about you, me, and Klaatu have a robo-alien-human threesome?  It would also really turn me on if you didn’t destroy Earth.

“You can’t stop the signal, Mal.  Everything goes somewhere, and I go everywhere.” – Mr. Universe, Serenity

Subtext:  It doesn’t matter that FOX cancelled the show; randy nerds will be acting out Firefly fantasies in the bedroom for ages to come.

“E.T. phone home.” E.T., – E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial

It does waaay more than glow, baby!

Subtext:  E.T. so horny.  E.T. need sex line.  E.T. tired of PG-rating.  E.T. want to get rocks off back on home planet with other sexy E.T.  E.T. usually only enjoy Reese’s Pieces post-coital.  E.T. need poon.

“You’ve gotta tell them!  Soylent Green is people!” – Detective Thorn, Soylent Green

Are these condoms?

Subtext:  I wish I didn’t know that Soylent Green is people.  So gross.  How am I ever going to get a boner again?  Knowledge is a bitch.  Ah well, might as well gross everyone else out, too.

“Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!” – George Taylor, Planet of the Apes

Your lips are okay, though!

Subtext:  I’m not into bestiality … yet.


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About the author

Kristen Bobst is a grade-A comedy writer, an unstoppable sock puppeteer, and the world’s foremost whimsy aficionado. She certainly believes the meaning of life really is 42; and right now Kristen is really into The Carrie Diaries.

Comediva. Where the funny girls are.

View all articles by Kristen Bobst

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