Seth MacFarlane’s Presidential Cabinet

Seth MacFarlane, creator of the popular TV show Family Guy and the popular movie Ted, is going to host the Oscars!

It’s official: Seth MacFarlane’s taking over the world.

So why not have him run for the leader of the free world in 2016?

If Seth were the president, picking a cabinet would be easy: he’d just appoint himself to all the positions and then he’d perform his duties in his different character voices!

Here’s what Seth MacFarlane’s presidential cabinet would look like:

Secretary of Agriculture: Meg

meg family guy

Secretary Meg would be absent from most of Seth MacFarlane’s presidential term, and only appear near the end of the presidency, leading everyone to ask her:

“Where have you been, Meg?”

First Order Of Business: Shut up.

Secretary of Veteran Affairs: Brian

brian family guy

Secretary Brian would spend most of his days writing a memoir inspired by his work at The White House.

After three years, the press will ask him how it’s coming along:

“Got a nice little memoir you working on there, Brian? Got a compelling real-life protagonist, eh? Got an obstacle for him to overcome, eh? A little story brewing there, eh? Nice little narrative—beginning, middle, and end, eh? Some friends become enemies; some enemies become friends, eh? At the end your main character is richer for the experience, yeah, yeah, yeah?”

First Order of Business: Sponsor a bill that puts a free martini and a Hybrid into the hands of every Iraq War veteran.

Vice President: Chris

chris family guy

Chris will be forced to display an annoying amount of teenage angst and anger, leading him to become one of the least beloved characters in The Cabinet.

So, basically: he’s going to act just like every Vice President we’ve ever had.

First Order of Business: Pop a pimple.

First Lady: Lois

lois family guy

When Republicans refuse to compromise with The President, First Lady Lois will kick each of their asses in a fistfight—and then, when they run away from her, she’ll scream:

“Yeah, you better run, you little bitches!”

First Order of Business: Start the Lois Griffin Clinic for “hilariously sadomasochistic mothers.”

President: Peter

peter family guy

President Peter Griffin will interrupt all regular broadcasting to relay the following urgent message to the country:

“Attention citizens of the United States…. Testicles. That is all.”

First Order of Business: By executive order, declare that the new national anthem will be an “ornithological piece” of a certain “avian variety.”

Oh you haven’t heard? It was my understanding that everyone had heard.

“Heard what?” you ask?

A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, bird is the word! A-well-a, bird, bird, the bird is the word! A-well-a…

King of All Mankind: Stewie

stewie family guy

Stewie, tempted by such close proximity to so much power, will have no choice but kill President Peter, take his place, and declare himself King of All Mankind.

Unfortunately, just as he is crowned King of the World, an asteroid will head towards the earth.

First Order of Business: Say, “At least it’s not raining.” Then randomly get stabbed by a passerby.

 


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About the author

Ollin Morales is a fiction writer and professional blogger. His blog, Courage 2 Create, offers writing advice as well as strategies to deal with life's tough challenges. Courage 2 Create was named one of The Top Ten Blogs For Writers two years in a row (2011, 2012).

View all articles by Ollin Morales

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