This was Cindy’s first interaction with a man since she broke up with what’s his face — David. But, never mind him. James is the current object of her affection. Not too tall, not too short. Not too much of anything, really, but he’ll do. Cindy doesn’t expect this to go anywhere and for once, she doesn’t care. All she wants is to prove to herself that she’s finally over David and bringing another man into her bed was the ultimate test. Maybe not the smartest of tests, but, oh well. She needed this.
The lights come on in the living room, revealing framed pictures of Cindy and David. Almost shrine-like, they fill every table, desk and wall. James has trouble taking it all in.
“Who’s that with you, in every single picture?” he asks.
“No one, bedroom’s this way.”
Cindy takes James’ hand and leads him to her bedroom. She begins to undress before him but James doesn’t even notice. He’s thinking of how to say the following:
“Are you … with someone?” he asks.
“Of course, I am, silly. You.”
“I just want to make sure your boyfriend isn’t gonna bust in here while we’re, you know, getting it on,” he says.
“We’re not together anymore.”
“Oh. In that case –”
James pushes Cindy onto the bed. They continue to kiss. Feeling more than a little randy, Cindy throws her leg onto James’ body. But the move comes with an awkward sound. In fact, it sounded an awful like: “David.”
James stops, looks at Cindy curiously, “Did you say something?”
“No,” she quickly asserts.
“This is not happening,” Cindy thinks to herself. She heard David’s name loud and clear and knew exactly where it came from: her vaj.
Just when you think you’re over someone, your vagina has a way of reminding you it still belongs to someone else.
James continues to shower Cindy with soft kisses. He moves from her neck to her chest and down to her stomach. Cindy stiffens as he goes further south.
“Is everything okay?” James asks.
“Fine! Everything’s fine,” Cindy responds.
James scoots further down the bed; spreads Cindy’s legs open.
“David!” The name sounds again. James stops.
“Did you just call me David?” he asks.
“No. You’re James, I know that.”
James closes Cindy’s legs. Spreads them open again. “DAVID!” James hops off the bed, pointing at Cindy’s vaj.
“I heard that!”
“Ignore it,” Cindy says.
“Your vaj. It talks!”
“I know. I’m so sorry,” she replies.
“You’re not over your ex, are you?”
“I am, I swear. We can still do this.”
“No, no way.”
James runs out of the room. Fizzled again, Cindy looks down at her vaj.
“You always get me into trouble.”
****
Hilarious and so true!