How do you feel about Vulcans?
a) Lava is pretty.
b) Why would I have any opinion about the Roman fire god?
c) Spock’s my favorite!
d) Die, Vulcans, die!
What’s your take on breaking treaties?
a) I never break a promise! Ever!
b) I’m all about world peace, dudettes.
c) All’s fair in love and war.
d) Show me a truce and I’ll show you hwi kre-dhei ways to break it.
Have you ever been to a strip club?
b) No, but I’d like to see what it’s like.
c) So what if my stripper name used to be “Seven of Sixty-Nine?”
d) Let’s fire up the Warbird and hit up a strip club right now. I have a Groupon for two-for-one lap dances at Buxom Betazoids.
How do you feel about Cardassians?
a) I love Keeping up with the Kardashians!
b) Kim Cardassian would actually be a really scary alien.
c) I hear Cardassia Prime is lovely in the winter.
d) Subjugating Cardassians is my favorite weekend activity.
What’s your favorite food?
a) Organic lentil soup in a gluten-free bread bowl.
b) Deep-dish pizza.
c) Strong ale.
d) Oddly enough … gummy bears. But only when I pretend the gummy bears are little tiny multi-colored Vulcans. I dip the gummy-Vulcans in home-brewed Kali-fal and then bite off their soggy, booze-soaked heads. Die, Gummy-Spock, die!
If you answered:
Mostly “A”: Less than a minute. Yikes.
Mostly “B”: You’d last two and a half minutes. Keep practicing.
Mostly “C”: You’d hold up for an hour! Nice going!
Mostly “D”: Hey, hey! You are a Romulan! Time to start a war!