Resignation Letter from a Superhero Sidekick

I want to air some grievances I have with my so-called employment situation.  It’s not that I’m ungrateful.  I just feel there are some discrepancies in our work dynamic that need to be addressed, so that my replacement won’t end up with a stress level out the yang and a daddy complex.  I’m working through some things with a well-reputed therapist, and she says I need to express myself in more productive ways, other than storming out or sneaking off to catch the bad guys on my own.

First and foremost, enough with the lame names.  I don’t want to be named after a bird, a weird part of my appearance, or my boss’ namesake in front of the term boy or girl. Boys and Girls are under the age of 13, so if you don’t mind, I’d like a little respect.  I already have to wear tights, so can we cool it with the crappy monikers?  I want something badass like, “DeathTeen” or “KillingGuy.”  People would be scared of that super-person.  But Robin?  Kid Flash?  COME ON!  No one is going to quake when they hear these names.  Not even my grandma.  But that’s OK.  She was killed anyway in that freak accident caused by that super bad guy you have yet to foil.  OOPS.  My bad.  Did I hit a sore spot?

I do all of the work here.  I get kidnapped, brainwashed, and tossed around while you sip a cup of tea in your lair.  People in my position DIE for crying out loud.  And where are the benefits?  Do I ever get to see my name first in a newspaper headline?  NO!  Do I EVER get to go to a swanky party and hobknob with the rich and famous?  NO!  Instead, I’m stuck back at our lair getting the skid marks out of your stupid costumes.  I’m back putting away the utility belts and the capes and the boots that you just leave laying around like a spoiled little child.  You don’t even pay me for crying out loud!!

Well, guess what, Mr. or Mrs. High and Mighty.  You’re gonna have to go it alone.  I’m done.  I’ve left my mask and cape on the chair in front of that massive computer display that you don’t know how to use.  Good luck remembering the passwords.  And the keys to the lair are in the mail.  I’m sure there are plenty of other sad orphans out there who will do your dirty work.  I’m done.

Sincerely yours,

Sidekick X

Lauren and Bailee are the creator and illustrator of PMS Adventures, a hilarious superhero/action comic, only on  Follow CassieMaya and Teresa as they fight crime once a month.  Yeah, PMS is a bitch, but it can be a bitch that makes you a hero.  Click the comic below to check it out!



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About the author

While attaining a very useful BA in Theater, Lauren worked with numerous improv troupes including iPlay at UCF, Six Degrees Improv, and Standprov and attended classes at Sak Comedy Lab. Upon graduation, she worked for 3 years at a sketch comedy and rock and roll club called Shadowbox, where she was a featured singer and sketch comedian. She is the author of the blog, Guarded Area, and founder of The Jiggles and Giggles Comedy Fest, an all woman sketch, improv, and stand up show benefitting Gilda’s Club in her native South Florida.

Bailee DesRocher is a comedienne, illustrator and first class nerd. She has mad skills + Jason Schwartzman good looks, and enjoys drawing elaborate poop jokes. Although she’s married, she’s in a long distance work partnership with Comediva writer Lauren Pottinger, who has really nice legs.

View all articles by Lauren Pottinger and Bailee DesRocher

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