QUIZ: Which Evil Sci-Fi Faction Should You Join?

There are so many awesome evil legions in fantasy and science fiction. While you might think of yourself as more heroine than devil, if push came to shove, wouldn’t you want to know which villainous alliance to team up with?
Indulge your dark side and take this quiz to find out!
1) Do you ever role play during sex?
a) Dressing up and wearing disguises in the bedroom can be fun.
b) I like everything except playing doctor.
c) Not really. But I did just get NuvaRing so I’m pretty excited to try that out.
d) I fantasize that I am a “sex computer.”
e) I like to fill out paperwork naked — but that’s about as kinky as I get.2) How best do you like to accessorize?
a) I go for a simple look but sometimes I think getting a tattoo might be fun.
b) Do gadgets count as accessories? My gadgets are practically attached to me.
c) I sometimes steal my friends’ rings.
d) I almost always wear big clunky jewelry.
e) Why accessorize when you can spend your time filling out forms in triplicate?

3) Are you good with computers?
a) Technology isn’t as good as magic, but I’ll take it.
c) Computers? Eh, I have more pressing matters to think of.
d) I am one with my computer.
e) I got so frustrated with my computer that I threw it out an airlock.

4) What is your idea of a dream date?
a) Relaxing at a pub after doing something naughty.
c) I enjoy a nice long horseback ride.
d) I like group dates.
e) Grabbing a drink and some Amiglion Major Cow at Milliways.

5) How do you feel about poetry?
a) Poetry can be magical.
b) Meh.
c) I have a hard time rhyming “orc” with any word other than “spork…” So, a lot of my poetry is about monsters eating at Taco Bell.
d) I like writing collaboratively. The more minds, the better the poem.
e) Some have compared my poetry to torture! Wanna hear my latest haiku?

6) Do you like puppies?
a) Nice fluffy purebred puppies are cute.
c) Can I train the puppy to hunt? To fetch?
d) Puppies have too much free will.
e) Most puppies are afraid of me because I’m kinda scary looking. Stupid puppies.

7) What do you think of space travel as tourism?
a) I’d like to travel first class.
b) Space travel is so passé.
c) I’d only want to go to the planets with rings.
d) Boring.
e) I once wrote some awful poetry about space travel. It killed a man.

If you answered:

Mostly As: Death Eaters


Death Eaters! Nothing annoys you more than boy wizards, precocious Muggles, and those dang, pesky Squibs.Mostly Bs: Daleks

Time Lords are a drag. Good thing you’re a wheeled cyborg at heart! Call up ol’ Davros and have him transform you into a Dalek ASAP.

Mostly Cs: Ringwraiths  

You should hang out with the Nazgûl. You could be the honorary tenth Ringwraith – what fun! Start practicing your swordsmanship and have a jolly time chasing down those filthy hobbitses.

Mostly Ds: The Borg

You’re such a team player that you’re practically hive minded. You feel most comfortable when assimilating things. Join the Borg, don an ocular implant, and spend your days chillaxing in the Delta Quadrant.

Mostly Es: Vogons

Don’t you just hate it when someone feeds your grandmother to the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal? You totally belong with the Vogons. Have fun fillin’ out all those forms, writing that poetry, and destroying that Earth!


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About the author

Kristen Bobst is a grade-A comedy writer, an unstoppable sock puppeteer, and the world’s foremost whimsy aficionado. She certainly believes the meaning of life really is 42; and right now Kristen is really into The Carrie Diaries.

Comediva. Where the funny girls are.

View all articles by Kristen Bobst

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