Pi Day: The Ultimate in Nerd Shopping

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For several years now, I have had a nerd fetish.  I don’t know what it is about virgins and World of Warcraft that does it for me.  Before I discovered the sweet science of nerd boys, I had gone for and landed the uber hot guy with more hair products than Adam Lambert.  Later, I would have to admit that he couldn’t spell things like … his name.  I’d have to explain that Led ZeppelPi_Piein was not that balloon that crashed that one time, way back in the 70s, and that Hawaii is not in Europe.  It was exhausting to sound out certain words such as, “such as.”

One day, I happened upon a group of guys gathered on the sidewalk outside the Brooklyn Superhero Supply Company.  As I walked past, they were discussing quantum physics.  I did a subtle u-turn.  My heart was racing as I tried to overhear more.  Did that guy in the un-ironic Escher shirt just say, “transcendental number”?  What was more awesome was that he was Asian.  I have a serious thing for Asian guys.  I’m down with the whole continent.  Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Thai, Filipino … I know what you’re thinking, but that thing you’ve heard is a myth.  Trust me.

As I edged closer, I overheard them discussing mathematical algorithms found in the jump sequences on Battlestar Galactica.  Suddenly, the one in the corduroy saddle oxfords rolled up his Sandman comic and smacked his buddy on the arm and whispered, “Don’t make any sudden moves.  You’ll spook her.”  I stepped into the middle of the circle of these boys who could spell and quote all of HAL’s lines from 2001: A Space Odyssey.  The world changed forever.

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I’m one of those people who doesn’t like to be part of the masses and I realized that this nerd thing wasn’t going to stay a secret for long.  Pretty soon, I saw many girls like me prowling the booths of Comic Con, usually zeroing in on the same guy, the one dressed as Nurgle, the god of decay.  With a little bit of research, I came upon a nerd-finder goldmine — Pi Day. This day was created by Larry Shaw in 1989 to celebrate the number Pi=3.1415926535 and is celebrated on March 14 or as I like to call it, Geek Valentine’s Day.

The conventions are still a great place to find the man of your dreams, but I have seen fights break out among a horde of Storm Troopers when the number of available ladies was uneven.  It’s not pretty. So I choose to attend Pi Day celebrations where there is more chance of scoring.  And if you live in a small town, you can throw your own Pi Day party.  You can invite that certain mathlete you’ve had your eye on to help create the Pi symbol on top of your pie.  Ahem.

There are many reasons that nerdy guys make excellent boyfriends:

1. They don’t know about that stupid call back after three-day rule. They just call you up.

2. They can remember your birthday because they are good with numbers.

3. They are awesome in the sack. They’ve watched a lot of Xena and have a list of things to try.

4. After they fix your Mac, you’ll smack the Genius at the Grove with your motherboard. And you’ll also know what a motherboard is.

5. They don’t want to spend all day watching sports but you do have to spend a lot of time dissecting Firefly and Earth 2.

6. Your parents will love him.

7. He’s a one-woman guy probably because you’re the only woman he knows.

8. He’s funny because intelligent people usually are. You might have to Google that reference to Middle Earth but once you do, it’s comedy gold.

9. You win at pub trivia every single time.

10. You can have fun teaching him that a velour cape is not great meet-the-parents wear. But he wears it anyway and your parents don’t notice because… they love him.

The list could go on and on.  So if you’re tired of the same old player-type or the dude who thinks Gaddafi is the new blended drink at Starbucks, throw on your best horn-rimmed glasses, bake up something round and delicious and invite over that cute guy in the “Madame Curie is Hot” t-shirt from work.  You’ll thank me later.


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