Parents Are Liars

Remember back when you had a wild imagination that was somehow rooted in the literal?  That is to say, whenever some grown-up used some word you didn’t know, your brain immediately turned to the familiar yet altogether nonsensical to define it.  Here are a few sketches of those memories:

1.  Condom
condom_101811Child:  How come the girls in movies don’t have a baby when they do it?
Grown-up:  Um … well, it’s fake.  Or they use a condom.
Child:   What’s a condom?
Grown-up:  It’s … like a barrier … between the boy and the girl … that prevents them from getting pregnant.

2.  Family Planning

family_planningChild:  What do people do when they don’t wanna have a baby yet?
Grown-up:  Family planning.

3.  Evil Agenda

evil_agendaGrown-up:  That guy’s plan is evil.  He has an evil agenda.
Child:  …Woah.

4.  Flirting

flirtingChild:  What’s flirting?
Grown-up:  It’s when a guy and a chick like each other, so they send each other signals so the other person knows.

5.  Lesbians

lesbiansChild:  But what if a chick like-likes another chick?
Grown-up:  …Why?
Child:  …I dunno … just wondering…
Grown-up:  …Well, then they’re lesbians.

6.  Flamboyant

flamboyantGrown-up:  Man, that guy is a flamer.  So flamboyant.
Child:  …OH NO!

7.  Embarrassed

embarrassedChild:  What’s ’embarrassed’?
Grown-up:  When you’re caught with your pants down.  Get it?  ‘Bare’ and ‘a–‘

8.   Scientology

scientologyGrown-up:  Tom Cruise is a crazy Scientologist.  Did you see what he did on Oprah


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About the author

Vickie Toro

Hi, friend! I'm Vickie Toro. I'm the lesbian in Lesbros, the creator and one of the writers of BAMF Girls Club, and the Frumpy Girl who commiserates with your Style Ineptness. I'm a Potterhead, water-dancer, and overall TV junky. Also sports movies make me cry.

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