Nicki Minaj Honors Shakespeare

William Shakespeare, otherwise known as The Bard/The Most Renown Wordsmith In History, is celebrating his 448th birthday on the 23rd, in the great big hipster cafe-library in the sky.
To honor him, today’s most well-known wordies decided to get together to honor him in the way they think he’d appreciate most:

Enter Nicki Minaj and Wiz Khalifa.

NICKI MINAJ  duh DUH duh DUH duh DUH duh DUH dummies
                         Be playin’ like they the bee’s knees, always
                         Stealin’ your rhymes, chasin’ the’er moneys,
                         But you a rock, ho, rollin’ for decades!

WIZ KHALIFA  Black and yellow, black and yellow, black and
                         Yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow!

NICKI MINAJ  Muhfuckah, please! I’m about to back-hand
                        This spit in the face, holla! …Marshmallow!

Adam Levine’s voice is heard, singing something indiscernible.

NICKI MINAJ  Bitch, hark! There be a tune in the ro’om,
                        But you know that already. You be dead,
                        But you legendary; so then vroom vroom
                        Uh’vroom you went ‘n Legend Maseraté’d!

WIZ KHALIFA  Girl, afore I was just playin’, I ain’t icky.

NICKI MINAJ  Boy, thou best stay over there. I’M NICKI.

Enter Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber.

TAYLOR SWIFT  I’m so young, and so naïve, not even
                        Sure I really understand exactly
                        What those sweet, sweet words of yours, so heaven
                        Divine, e’erlasting —

JUSTIN BIEBER                           Ooo, girl, retractin’.
                        Falsetto, that’s all I’m about; just dance.
                        I see his ‘stache; it fancy. Don’t get it,
                        fancy words, too, jealous of that ‘stache; trance.

TAYLOR SWIFT  But things here are amiss, Justin, heart lit,
                        Eyes open, simple story; boy and girl —

                        About gangs, shoot-ups, and a fucked up world!
                        Whachu know ’bout it, cracka, crumblin’!

TAYLOR SWIFT  But I feel it in my heart —

JUSTIN BIEBER                                           Girl, HICKEY.

WIZ KHALIFA  Shit’s cray —

NICKI MINAJ                              WHITE FLAG. Happy Birth, fool, I’M NICKI.
                         MINAJ OUT.

Exit, dropping her mic, pursued by her hair.



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About the author

Vickie Toro

Hi, friend! I’m Vickie Toro. I’m the lesbian in Lesbros, the creator and one of the writers of BAMF Girls Club, and the Frumpy Girl who commiserates with your Style Ineptness. I’m a Potterhead, water-dancer, and overall TV junky. Also sports movies make me cry.

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