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Shirley needs it bad, so she calls Dariush, her 'Persian Mr. T.'  Drinks:  3 shots of cherry cough syrup, 1 vodka-infused  watermelon, 1 liter of Tequila. Location:  Fri. 11:22pm,  The Horny Cow Bar & Grille, parking lot. 

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Shirley leaves Frida, her 'soul sister,' a heartfelt message.  Drinks:  7 mini-bottles of vodka, 1 bottle of pinot grigio, 10g of peyote.  Location:  Sat. 1:09pm, outside of 7-Eleven. 

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Shirley calls her fave plumber to get some servicin'. Drinks:  1 vase filled with Chardonnay, 7 shots of Jack  Location: Mon. 11:02pm, Apt. 204 

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Shirley calls her mom with a haiku she composed. Drinks:  2 water bottles of Tequila, 3 40oz. MGDs  Location: Fri. 1:07am, Apt. 204 

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A devastated Shirley calls a one-time paramour when her beloved Kia Rio is keyed.  Drinks: 5 shots of Tequila, 64-oz. Big Gulp with Coke (and Rum)  Location: Mon. 11:02am, Comediva Offices 

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Shirley places her weekly order at the liquor store.  Drinks: 1 glass of merlot, 3 Tecates, 6 shots of Potter's Peach Schnapps  Location: Thurs. 1:17am, Apt. 204 

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Shirley calls home after watching The Shining and gives dear old dad a piece of her mind.  Drinks: 1/2 handle of Gentleman's Jack, 2 bottles of Brut, 1 energy drink  Location: Sun. 2:24am, Frida's place 

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Shirley calls Katharine after a blind date goes terribly wrong.  Drinks: 2 Coronas, 3 glasses of Zinfandel, 1/2 glass of Nyquil  Location: Tues. 1:24am, Apt. 204 

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Shirley really needs Katharine to find her notebook, and she needs it bad ... like, now.  Drinks: 7 Coronas, 2 Jack and waters, 5 peach wine coolers  Location: Thurs. 11:15pm, Juan's storage shed, behind The Horny Cow Bar & Grille 

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Shirley's therapy session with boss-lady Betty Krueger. Drinks:  1 handle of tequila, 3 limes Location:  Tues. 2:32 am, truckstop ladies' room, Highway 58 

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