Merry Christmas, all you naughty and nice nerds! Santa and his elves scoured the planet to find the lost, never-before-seen holiday episodes of your favorite cancelled Sci-Fi TV shows!
Here are the Ho-Ho-highlights!
Star Trek: “Spock Saves Christmas”
Spock, working with a reluctant Worf — it’s a crossover episode — travels to Deep Space Nine to deliver Christmas presents to all the little Federation kids, exposing the grinchy Romulan plot to cloak all traces of holiday cheer. Afterward, they celebrate with Guinan’s Aldebaran-whiskey-spiked eggnog.
The X-Files: “Paranormal North Pole”
After several Canadian Mounties report sightings of red and white UFOs, Mulder and Scully travel to the North Pole to discover an alien threat in the form of vicious little green elves.
Lost: “4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 25”
Locke hallucinates that he’s Santa Claus as snow begins to fall on the Island. Jack and Charlie find yet another hatch which is full of unwrapped Christmas presents, as well as a half-dead elf dressed in a DHARMA sweatshirt. Also, the polar bear reappears and suddenly makes sense.
Firefly: “The Mazel Tov Job”
Mal and the crew steal a collection of expensive menorahs from one of Inara’s wealthy Jewish clients. After Serenity is attacked by Reavers and rendered powerless, Kaylee uses the menorahs to repair the ship’s engine.
Battlestar Galactica: “Number Six’s Gift”
Caprica Six dresses up as a sexy elf and convinces Gaius Baltar to plant bombs wrapped as presents around the Galactica. When Baltar hears the Viper Pilot Choir, led by Felix Gaeta, singing “Silent Night,” he comes to his senses — a Christmas miracle.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: “Once More, with Caroling”
In a misguided effort to cheer up the Scoobies, Willow casts a spell that makes everyone think that Sunndyale is the North Pole. Giles assumes the persona of Santa, while Spike is catatonically fixated on dreidel spinning. When the spell doesn’t wear off, Willow takes on the role of the Grinch and must end Christmas herself.
The gang slides into an evil Christmas universe full of carnivorous Santas, vampire elves, and rabid reindeer. All [Christmas] hell breaks loose!
Farscape: “Season of Kwanzaa”
Scorpius is hot on Crichton’s tail when Moya takes the crew to a planet in the midst of an ancient Kwanzaa celebration. Crichton and Rygel hide from Scorpius by joining in with the Kwanzaa festivities.
Angel: “Gingerbread Time”
Everything and everyone in Los Angeles is slowly turning to gingerbread. Angel must solve the delicious paranormal mystery before he gets dipped in milk and loses his head.
seaQuest DSV: “Christmas in Atlantis”
Darwin the dolphin finds an ancient Christmas ornament on the ocean floor and leads Captain Bridger and the crew to the ancient city of Atlantis. When the ruins begin to crumble, a slew of mer-elves and Flipperdolph the Red-Nosed Amphibious Reindeer save the day!
Photoshoppin’ by Luis M. Navarro