It’s been about a month since Ben Wyatt swept all (twelve) NBC-watching females off their feet, so we feel safe in exclaiming, “LESLIE KNOPE IS GETTING MARRIED!” almost as loud as she is. Because we can’t wait for sweeps to see the nuptials for ourselves, we’ve taken a moment to imagine what this Knope/Wyatt affair will look like. And we’re pumped.
1. The wedding cake will be made of waffles from J.J.’s Diner
If one thing has been established in Parks and Recreation‘s five-year run, it’s that Leslie loves both Joe Biden and waffles. So in addition to a standing invitation for our Happy Warrior (along with an open opportunity for him to object at any point), we feel confident in guessing Leslie will have a whipped cream-topped waffle tower to cut instead of a cake. Or actually, maybe just in addition to a cake. The girl loves her sugar.
2. The wedding (if not reception and future home of Leslie and Ben) will be in City Hall
Some see it as unromantic, but it’s hard to imagine Leslie Knope as willing to have her wedding anywhere but Pawnee City Hall. It’s a gorgeous building, seemingly everyone she’s ever met works there, and it’s where she met Ben. They’ll just have to cover the horrifying murals and get rid of the pigeon infestation prior to the ceremony.
3. At least a portion of the vows will be in Dothraki
Here at Comediva, Ben is considered just about the perfect man — he can correct you on your Star Wars inaccuracies, make a mean calzone and break out the Batman costume for special occasions. He’s a nerd, and damn he wears it so well. It’s no secret that Ben loves him some GoT, and nothing says forever to a nerd like calling your new wife “Khalessi” in front of everyone you know and love.
4. There will be a ton of booze
Whether it’s illicit wine, Snake Juice, champagne, Remy Martin, or flaming tequila shots, the folks in the Pawnee Parks Department have proven they can toss it back and with Jean Ralphio in the vicinity, there’s no way this is going down sober. Also, a drunken Maid of Honor speech by Ann is a train wreck we can’t wait to see.
5. It will be one kick-ass party
Pretty much everyone Leslie Knope has come across has come to realize how awesome she is, so there promises to be a good crowd at this party. And given her discomfort for having anything be about her, Leslie will make sure there’s something for everyone involved — a MouseRat performance for Andy, a red carpet walk for Tom, and plenty of bacon-wrapped shrimp for Ron. The only hiccup at this thing might be the music selection, which would promise to be some odd mix of Sarah Mclaughlin and ’90s R&B off of Benji Wyatt’s Cool Time Summer Jamz Mix, played by the one and only DJ Roomba. The music won’t be super loud, but the floors will be so clean.
And though we only imagine this sugar-booze extravaganza, we know that the actual event will be somehow better. Jerry will fuck something up, Ann will hook up with someone inappropriate (Jerry, please, Jerry!), and Andy will break something, either dishware or bones. And hell, we didn’t even account for the inevitable Lil’ Sebastian Tribute. Ugh, sweeps, come faster!
