Lady Gaga Only Dates Vampires

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Lady Gaga has taken a lover!  An undead lover!  Well, at least, he plays one on TV.  But what makes Vampire Diaries actor Taylor Kinney more deserving of some “Bad Romance” than some other notable bloodsuckers?  Don’t move so fast, Gaga, we’re talking about eternal life, here!  Perhaps one of these other demonic fiends may catch your fancy…

David from The Lost Boys

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Kiefer Sutherland in all his villainous ’80s glory!  Sure, he’s extremely emo and has some pretty intense daddy issues, but, honestly, who can resist that mullet?


Lestat & Louie from Interview With a Vampire

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What better companions for the Mama Monster than THE classic gay vampire couple?  They could traipse about Europe, snacking on bohemians and prostitutes in between concert dates.  But watch your back, Gaga, Lestat can be a jealous bitch!


Barnabas Collins from
Dark Shadows

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If Gaga can stomach relocating to Collinsport, Maine, as well as putting up with all the (soap)operatics, witches, werewolves, zombies, ghosts and time travel, then she can luxuriate in the cruel and obsessive love of a rich vampire from the late 1700s.  Plus, he’s played by Johnny Depp in the 2012 Tim Burton-helmed remake.  Score!


Spike & Drusilla from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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Spike and Drusilla, the best of both worlds!  Spike brings all the bad-boy charm of The Lost Boys‘ David, a killer wit and a sexy British accent.  And Drusilla brings the crazy!  If Gaga can get past the whole slaughtering humans thing, just imagine the insane threesome!


Count Dracula

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Was there really any other choice?  These two are meant to dance in the dark!  The man, the myth, the legend.  Castles in the old country, a sweet cape, he loves little monsters … the dude’s perfect!  He never drinks wine, but some virgin blood can really get the party started.


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About the author

Luis Navarro

Luis Navarro is a token man slave and writer for Comediva.  He is a proud Valley Boy (“Fer sure”) and martial artist.  He earned a Master’s Degree in Counseling and is an ordained online minister!  He also boasts an encyclopedic knowledge of the Star Wars Expanded Universe and post-1970s movie trivia.  He is secure enough in his masculinity to admit a fondness for unicorns.

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